Rants About Sex

While I know a good number of people who vocalize loudly that they do not dream or at the very least concede to the fact that they don't remember their dreams if they're indeed having them, I dream a

I've written a lot about sex over the course of my "blogging career." Hell, I still write about sex on a regular basis and get paid for it, something that still is working circles in my brain.

There's an undercurrent flowing steadily inside of me. It started a couple of days back and seems hell bent on driving me insane until it is appeased.

The last guy that I had sex with was named after one of the Chipmunks.

I was over at my friend Stacy's house this past weekend for UFC 66, otherwise known as the night that Liddell beat the crap out of my Tito and cost me a picture of my ass (shut up, you fucking hillbilly!) and something interesting occurred to me. As the room (divided about 60/40 men to women ratio) started to debate whether or not Jenna Jameson was going to be ringside, I found it amusing that not a single woman seemed offended at the idea of a porn star getting such massive attention. In fact, I think I've yet to meet a woman who doesn't like Jenna.

[ Week of Brevity: Day Three, Take Two

Just to remind everyone, the challenge is this: A week of topics that I have a strong opinion on, limited to one paragraph (No more than 7 sentences). All of my responses to comments must be one sentence. ]

One time, when I was around 6 or 7 years old, I woke up in the middle of the night because I heard some strange sounds. Creeping out of my bedroom and going in search of where they were coming from, I discovered their location to be behind my parent's bedroom door. I quietly turned the knob and cracked the door open. My parents were in a tangle under the sheets. The sounds were coming from them.

The point of fucking is to have an orgasm, right?

I've argued this concept many times, trying to explain that my orgasm shouldn't be the focal point of a sexual encounter, but with all of the headlines blaring from the covers of Cosmo, etc, men are really beginning to believe that sex isn't complete until the girl has gotten her cookies.

I have penis envy.

Yup, as much as I enjoy my fun-to-play-with boobies and my intense female orgasms, there are days when I wish I could trade them in for a pee-pee.

Three's company. Three's a crowd. Buy three, get one free.

Oh, yeah. And the almighty threesome.

What is it with us as a nation that we need to over-consume? We buy huge amount of food from Costco, drive Hummers that get 3 miles to the gallon on the freeway and need American Idol to be aired more than one night a week. Gimmee, gimmee, gimmee. Just can't get enough.

I am not a screamer.

Allow me to elaborate. I am not a screamer in bed. I don't know if it is tied into the fact that I am not an easy person to get to orgasm, that fact lending itself to my concentration and therefore my quiet disposition between the sheets, but I just don't make a lot of noise when I fuck.

Some time back, I wrote about men and the recent trend of boasting about their cunnilingus skills. I made mention that I was not a big fan of the act myself and could go without it. I've also mentioned on several occasions my love of the blowjob.

OK, new discussion topic.

I just heard for the third time in a week the fucking unthinkable. Three different male friends of mine have related various stories of how their significant others would not give them blow jobs. One even made the promise that she would, but only once they were married.

Very simple question: How many sexual partners is TOO many?

I actually count my numbers seperately, as in there is a number for those I've had intercourse with, a number for those I've gone down on, a number for those who've gone down on me.

Orgasms are such a bitch.

Sure, they can be one of the most intense pleasures that our bodies are capable of delivering, but the aftermath of the orgasm is a bitch. Even more so is the preceeding bullshit. All the - *ahem* - ins and outs in the quest of achieving the almighty orgasm. Almost makes me not want to bother. Almost.