Advice for Men about Ex & Current Girlfriends

zara's picture

Hey there. I'm tired, I'm pissed off and I need to rant. But it's an educational rant, so pay attention.

Men... Or, perhaps I should say "guys" instead... TAKE CARE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS.

You want to know why your current girlfriend gets weird and upset and angry over issues with your ex girlfriend? Because you don't step up and take care of business.

See... women need to be told things as directly as the dense male population does. Men bitch that women aren't direct. That they expect their minds to be read. That they expect the impossible.

Nope. We just expect the reasonable. And the quickest way to make sure that you turn a completely rational, cool girlfriend into that chick you never wanted her to turn into is to not secure all loose ends.

This means having big enough balls than just the ones you whine that we neglect while slobbering over the knob. This means that if you have an ex girlfriend who is a nut job who tracks you down more than a year after you've left the state she lives in, let alone several years after you last dated, you don't downplay her tracking down your new phone number and trying to drunkenly interfere with the sanctity of your new life.

See, I really love my new life with my friend, my lover, my partner, my boyfriend, whatever you like to define it as. We are open and honest about everything. I've had to discuss the ugly details of my "baby daddy" and the shit that he put me through as well as the potential shit that he could put me through in the future. I have made my new beau aware of all the drama that comes along with that so that he is prepared. I also take care of my business by filing the previously neglected paperwork to have my ex's parental rights legally revoked. So as to eliminate some of the drama.

I also know all about the gory details of his past and the portion that keeps him tethered to that previous life, although I will allow him the privilege of privacy here and not discuss the details. It doesn't involve kids and it doesn't even involve the ex-bitch directly.

But when I get a call at 9 pm on my home phone, a phone which has a new number which has only been active for the last couple of weeks, a number that not even my mom knows yet, and it's some white-sounding guy calling himself "Jerry," saying that he wants to talk to Fist about "business," I assume it's a sales call and do the regular song and dance about "put us on the 'do not call list'."

But when Fist gets a chance to look at the Caller ID, he gives me this sad, panicked look and explains that the name is an abbreviation of his ex's.

Oh. No. She. Didn't.

She does not need to talk to him. She has no reason to. She even called his mom's house and tried to get the number from her.

So Fist complained silently about it, fearing... rightfully... that I would probably not take it so well. And you'd be right if you answered that I didn't. I called the number back and bitched her out the way that he should have.

Do NOT call my HOME. You have NO reason to call MY HOME. You do not NEED to talk to him. You don't have anything to do with him, other people you know do and it's their responsibility to contact him through a lawyer. And you especially DO NOT NEED to be calling MY HOME at 9 pm, having some other guy play interference for you. Bitch, grow some balls. Hell, have some of mine, I've got plenty to go around. But whatever fucked up excuse for a brain you think you have floating around in your cranium, you tell it that if you ever call MY HOME again, it will NOT be pretty.

All that stuff above? All of that could have been said by the male in this house. It SHOULD have been said by the male in this house. Crazy bitch thousand miles away? Get on the phone and tell her the fuck off. Threaten her, as having been previously involved with her, you know what she fears.

Have some fucking balls. Here.... have some of mine.

Yes, to the male mind, this all must seem irrational right now. But you know what? Sometimes you have to be irrational with those who don't understand basic logic. Sometimes you have to put on your gloves and take a couple of swings. Because this will wound a woman, scare a woman. And a psycho ex girlfriend is psycho BECAUSE YOU ALLOW HER TO BE. Because you have never stood up to the bitch, told her the truth, told her to fuck off.

I just watched a shitty movie called MY BEST FRIEND'S GIRL. The one thing that's coming to my mind out of that tripe is that Dane Cook sputtered out a lot of mean crap to women to get them to run away. Most of the time, he was being creative, helping some schmuck out who wanted his girlfriend to see the error of her ways and come back into their arms.

But if you can take anything from that tripe of a film, it's this: HONESTY. BRUTAL, FORCEFUL HONESTY. Hurt them. Damage them.

It's OK if they look back and think you were an asshole.

It's NOT OK if they look back and start missing all the good things about you and try to fuck with you because they're drunk and bored.

You don't want the psycho to come back? BE AN ASSHOLE. If they still come back?

Call me. I can take care of it for you.

And yes, darling, if and when you read this, at this moment I think you're a pussy. I've told you that before, that you're a pussy and a pushover when it comes to those evil, conniving people. You are a good man, a smart man, a sensible man and a man who gives credit to the people who do not deserve an ounce of it. Stop being a pussy about all this and take care of your business.


"Stop being a pussy about

"Stop being a pussy about all this and take care of your business." I could not agree more, Zora. I'd of probably told him to just man the fuck up, but your much more eloquent then I am. I hope it all works out for you guys.

Evil Eye's picture

Sounds like a load of crap to have to put up with

Hopefully that is the end of it for you. It should be a law that Exes aren't allowed to contact you. Having one call up would be such a pain in the ass.

mistylou69's picture


I hope he gets all this shit taken care of soon. Sounds like a mess to me. I'll keep you guys in my happy thoughts for sure!


AnneGwish's picture

all my exes

live in texas. OK, just the one...the baby daddy...ugh
ex stress is the pits, yours, his, really blows that sometimes we can't just erase that shit from our lives. Fisty needs to man up so you don't have to come off as insecure or bitchy, because you aren't, you're just defending yourself and your life and home from this unneccessary dramassault. blechh. Dreamed about you again last night Z. are in my brain.
"...want me to save the world...?
....I'm just a little girl....."

Budo7's picture

worse I have treated them

worse I have treated them the longer they seem to have stayed around. Being an asshole does not always work.
Not that I am defending anyone, just some people are so fucked in the head

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