And I Don't Mean Female Dog

I, my friends, am a bitch.

I am not alone either. There are millions of other women just like me. The following is a list of reasons why I and so many other women are bitches. It is dedicated to all of them.





* I am a bitch because when you asked for my honest opinion.... I gave it to you.

* I am a bitch because I called the cops when your boyfriend was beating you to a pulp and they took him off to jail.

* I am a bitch because I am dating your son and you are too over-bearing to let him go.

* I am a bitch because I refuse to let you talk down to me, and will talk down to you right back.

* I am a bitch because you have a need to make someone feel small in order to make yourself feel bigger.

* I am a bitch because I left you when you were incarcerated for abusing me.

* I am a bitch because I reported you for committing date rape.

* I am a bitch because I insisted that you get off your ass and go to work so that we could pay rent and avoid becoming homeless.

* I am a bitch because I am protecting the best interests of my child, and do not want them around drug addicts, even if they are your "friends."

* I am a bitch because your sleazy boyfriend hit on me even though I'd never even flirted with him.

* I am a bitch because I took your keys and wouldn't let you drive drunk.

* I am a bitch because I didn't humour your drama queen antics.

* I am a bitch because I'm not attracted to you and don't want to date you.

* I am a bitch because I care about my physical appearance and like to look good.

* I am a bitch because I don't share your definition of a "good time."

* I am a bitch because I broke up with your brother, even though I caught him cheating on me.

* I am a bitch because I called your parents to tell them you were failing my class and that I didn't want to see you not graduate.

* I am a bitch because I refuse to "prove" myself to you because you are not my friend and I owe you nothing.

* I am a bitch because I have goals and I am too busy trying to acheive them to listen to you yell into the phone (for the millionth time) about how you hate your boyfriend.

* I am a bitch because I am pushy about advocating the rights of my disabled son.

* I am a bitch because my idea of love does not include you criticizing every single thing that I do.

* I am a bitch because you think I am too much of a perfectionist, even when it doesn't affect you.

* I am a bitch because I proved you wrong in an argument and now you are embarassed.

* I am a bitch because when I did the same thing as you, I did it BETTER.

* I am a bitch because I am friends with your boyfriend, and you are too insecure to allow him to hang out with me.

* I am a bitch because I am naturally a size two and don't think I should apologize for having a nice body.

* I am a bitch because I don't want to fuck you.

* I am a bitch because I think you should pay child support, I got a judge to agree with me, and I don't care that you have "expenses."

* I am a bitch because I am NOT a size two and I love and refuse to apologize for my curves.

* I am a bitch because I earned the promotion at work, the one that you thought you deserved just because you'd been there longer, and not because you worked harder than me.

* I am a bitch because I made the mistake of dating you, tried to correct it by breaking up with you and now you feel the need to retaliate by telling everyone that I am a slut.

* I am a bitch because school is more important to me than partying.

* I am a bitch because I choose to live by my own rules of feminity and you can't handle that.

* I am a bitch because I refuse to play your mind games.

* I am a bitch because I think you should ask permission before you go in my room and borrow my shit.

* I am a bitch because I don't want to be friends with you, no matter how many people supposedly like you.

* I am a bitch because I apologize to NO ONE for just being me.

* I am a bitch because my intelligence intimidates you.

* I am a bitch because I speak my mind.

* I am a bitch because I can make my own decisions without your influence.

* I am a bitch because I am proud of my accomplishments.

* I am a bitch because I have pride in being a woman.

* I am a bitch because I am strong, unyielding and refuse to let you walk all over me.





Thank you to all the ladies who helped inspire me to write this piece. I love you all, even if you are bitches.