The Art of Feeling Mopey

zara's picture

The canvas is a stretching of the soul, for those who like the fanciful phrasings. Your existence spread thin, the bullshit glaring through the paper thin facade that you've constructed.

Listen to some music that has that impact, that tearing away of any last hope you have of maintaining a sense of normalcy. Something that leaves a gnawing ache in your gut, reminds you of a long lost or misunderstood contact in life.

Think about calling them, contacting them. Cry that you can't, cry knowing that if you did talk to them it would simply wreck you more.

The ebb and flow of unworthiness bathing over you. The trickling sound of inadequacy ringing in your ears.

Your nose is running now. The back of your hand a snail trail of snot, glistening before drying to an itchy stripe, proof of your brain melting slowly out of your skull and down through your nose.

Clicking the button in your memory, rewinding time, pausing, reviewing, replaying and crumbling over something that was said, done, uttered, muttered, laughed at, scoffed at, taken for granted.

Stop. Play it again. Again. Again. One more time.

Warm streams pouring forth, sliding down cheeks, fat drops landing in virtual silence, a noise that only echoes in the confines of your mental flagellation.

Stupid girl, the only phrase that rises to the surface.

Stupid, stupid girl.

Comments

Gina the Ninja BAMF's picture

Oh damn...

And to think I had tried so hard to forget that dreadful feeling, I have again been reminded of the pain I felt so many times over.

Silly child, why aren't you numb to it yet?

Because... I feel too much.

Silly child, why is it tearing you apart so much?

Because... I'm not ready to let the memory go.

kiki's picture

basically...

...darling, you've once again hit it on the head.

<3

Hey, Zara, we're both back

Okay, I have a lot of catching up to do, admittedly. I'll finish my homework first, of course. I disappeared, too, Zara. Then, when I returned, you were gone. I understand that. And you are anything but a stupid girl, although I like Garbage, too. And sometimes we need the pity party. I don't know what inpsired the sadness, because I have...a lot of catching up to do. I'm sorry that you feel that way. What lesson does this bring you? (Other than the stupid girl one, which is inaccurate, anyway). You are not on myspace anymore...but you are here, so that is good. You are sort of here, anyway. Again, I understand that completely, and am glad that you are back in real life more often than not. Writing is real life, too. But it's not the whole shebang. Experience, then write, experience, then write...what more can you garner from this experience? I love what you wrote above. :-)

Anna

dawn61036's picture

Music & Meditation

I agree with the last comment...music can help OR make things worse...why do women listen to cheezy love songs when they are sad???

I try to meditate daily, more so when I feal like Im in a bad spot. But I have friends that say vodka helps them.

Peace Love & many Smiles...Dawn

Faust's picture

Music can lift you up, or it

Music can lift you up, or it can break your heart. Sometimes at the same time.

I love Garbage's Stupid

I love Garbage's Stupid Girl, but lately I've been feeling Keith Urban's Stupid Boy alot more. Why are men so stupid? Why am I so stupid?

mistylou69's picture

I seem to say the same things over and over again...

...so I'll spare you. Just know that I'm here and I care about you if ever you need anything...not that I can do much...but don't hesitate to ask.

In all honesty, I've been feeling it too...a lot lately...too much for me to share like you've just done...too much for me to really acknowledge it until just now. I hope it is just the alignment of the planets like one of the others commented, because I hate this feeling...hate it.

Here's to feeling...what's it called again? Oh yeah, Happy...again.

Love you Zara!

xxxoooxxx
Misty

SimplySam's picture

A time to be introspective...

Mercury, (as I'm sure you know), is commonly known as the planet of communication. It is currently in retrograde, (started 2/13 and ends-goes direct 3/7) and that may have a little something to do with mopiness and self-doubt. When Mercury goes into retrograde it is common for everything to go ass backwards from what we want or expect. Though, this can be a very productive period for psychological review as new information can be gleaned from old experiences.

So, my opinion? It would do you good to keep in mind that these feelings of melancholy and mopiness will not last and are generally an excellent catalyst to creativity. Which you have proven, beyond ANY shadow of doubt, to possess.

Without gray in our world how could we ever produce, let alone notice, a burst of color?

Oh yes....

Boy, don't I know how that feels. Relish it. Soak in it. Hell, bathe in it. After a while, it starts to seem unreal, as if it never even happened.. that it was all a dream. We all can get mopey. And we have to be allowed to do so. I hope it feels better soon. Thanks for the inspirations you've given so far. I love your work. It's very well written. Thanks, Zara, feel better soon.

Beautiful Losers

By Leonard Cohen - that's what this reminds me of.

Mopey

And it only becomes worse before it gets better. You believe that you should have been able to do something... if only, if only... And then one day you realize that there was nothing that could have been done. It still sucks, and it still hurts, and you still cry from time to time...

I have no words of comfort to give, as it will only seem to minimize what you feel, but you have my support, anonymous as it is, and the support of many other dedicated readers.

Other sites you should visit: Wear Funny Quotes!