Building Friction (Part 15)

Almost 7 hours later I was sitting in Steph's backyard, watching Casey make BBQ'ed chicken and burgers. People were slowly filtering in, although the majority were sticking to the garage, where there was a pool table and dart board. Out in back, I sat in a circle surrounded by Sean, Steph, Lilly, Malory and Kelly, who was strumming a guitar and singing a melody.

I'd been quiet for almost an hour and Steph so far had held true to her promise not to tell anyone what she'd found out. I chain-smoked and tried to avoid the stares.

"This is the quietest that I think I've ever seen you," Sean remarked while cracking open a beer.

"Shhhh, don't ruin it," Malory joked, laughing and kicking at my foot with hers. "Seriously though, what's up with you tonight? You look like you're going to snap at any minute."

I sighed. "Just..." I trailed off and tried to think of the right word. "Issues. You know. Stuff."

Kelly looked at Malory who looked at Lilly who looked at Sean who looked at Steph. Steph shrugged. "She said I couldn't say anything."

"Yeah, and when have you managed to pull that off?" Sean scoffed. "No offense, Chloe, but if you're not going to talk about it, at least send in your rep so that we can get clued in here. This silence from you, although refreshing, is also a little disturbing."

"I've got guy issues. I have a lot on my mind right now," I crushed out my cigarette and pulled a new one out of my pack. Malory reached over and took it from my fingers.

"Honey, if you keep that up, sooner or later you're going to be nothing but ash yourself." She stuck the cigarette in her mouth and motioned for my lighter. I lit the smoke for her. "Now start talking about these issues. I thought that Matt guy was supposed to have been nice."

Sean spoke up. "Yeah, he seemed pretty cool. Did he pull a 180 on you?"

"I'm never around for any of the good stuff," Kelly interrupted. "I miss everything. Who's Matt?"

"He's this hot guy from the pet store that Chloe gets her rats at," Lilly added. "He's got great eyes. I liked him." She looked over at me. "What did he do?"

I sighed. "He didn't do anything."

"Oh," Sean started. "So what did YOU do?"

Everyone burst out laughing. I let my head fall to my chest. I could see Steph waving her hands in a downward motion out of the corner of my eye. "Knock it off," she was whispering. "Chloe," she addressed me. "We're all friends here, if there was any place that you could get some good advice from, it's going to be right here."

I gathered myself. My mind flooded with the memories of the sensations of that rendezvous in the restroom. I scrunched my eyes closed. "I fucked Geoff." I said, my voice an almost inaudible whisper.

"What?" came the response of 4 of the people around me.

"I fucked Geoff," I said a little louder. "At the rapid dating thing. In the women's restroom." My face filled with an embarrassed flush.

Malory's face wrinkled up. "Who's Geoff? I thought the guy was named Matt."

Kelly put down the guitar and wrestled my pack of cigarettes from my hand, then liberated herself one. "Well, I'm out of this conversation. I miss fucking everything!"

"Geoff? Geoff from last week, Geoff?" Sean was glaring at me. "The guy who called you out on your bullshit? The guy who you were ranting about being an asshole? The guy who stalked you to the Good Bar? You fucked THAT Geoff?"

Lilly sat quietly. I looked at her, my eyes pleading for sympathy. "I don't get it," she said. "Are you cracked?"

I rubbed at my eyes, trying to press back tears. "I very well might be," I said in a tiny voice.

Steph took over. "He's this guy who works with Alex," she explained to Malory and Kelly. "He came over last weekend for the fight. Alex mentioned that he seemed excited about meeting Chloe, I thought they might hit it off... he did something stupid..."

"He spilled beer on her," Lilly interrupted to provide the details.

"... yeah, and then he wouldn't leave her alone after that. So she bets him that we'd," she gestured between her body and mine, "kick his ass at fooz. But we lost," she looked over and glared at me as she said that part, "and the bet was that if we lost, Chloe had to kiss him. So she did, and then they started arguing. Couple days later he calls the house, says he wants to apologize to her..."

"Actually, he called the next day. That's when you gave him my IM info," I stopped her and filled in the missing piece.

"NO. Steph, you didn't," Malory chastised her.

Steph pursed her lips and narrowed her gaze. "Hey! I thought he was going to apologize, alright? The guy sounded sincere."

"So, is that how you ended up fucking him?" Kelly asked. "Is he one of those smooth shit-talkers?"

"No. Well, yes. Well, not exactly," I stammered.

"Stop. Now." Sean flicked his cigarette to the cement and ground it out with the heel of his shoe. "The details really don't make a difference, do they? He couldn't possibly have been able to spin some web that clouded your brain. We all know you better than that. You don't do a damn thing that you don't want to do." All of the girls nodded. "So you made the decision to fuck him. Which bears the question: What made your self-esteem sink so low that night? Come on, Chloe! Fucking a guy in a women's restroom? Please."

The girls started to argue with him, interjecting, beginning to add commentary from some point in their respective lives that paralleled my bad decision. I held my palms up. "Please don't. He's right. What I did was foolish and a complete lack of self-respect for myself."

"Shut the fuck up right now!" Kelly yelled. "If you have no self-respect for yourself about that, then I don't even want to know what I should think about myself and some of the stuff that I've done."

"Me too," Malory added.

"And me," Steph chimed in.

Lilly remained silent. "Hey, don't look at me!" She smiled warmly at me. "Sean, really. What Chloe did was make an impulsive decision. We all do it from time to time. No need to make her feel worse about herself than I'm sure she already does."

"I've never done anything like that," Sean resisted.

Steph laughed. "That's right, I'm sure you haven't." She turned to me. "But are you really going to listen to the guy who doesn't even like porn?"

We all exploded into laughter, aside from Sean, myself included. "Hey, fuck you! Just because I don't like porn doesn't devalue my opinion!" Sean bellowed.

"OK, fine. You have your opinion and you're more than entitled to it. The thing is, they don't know the whole story," Steph looked over at me. "You want to or should I?"

"No, I'll do it." I looked over at the other girls, all of whom had turned in my direction and were waiting intently. "When it was over, it was like my mind froze. My knees were still shaking from... well, you know. And the only thing that my mind could focus on was that I had just fucked this strange guy, this guy that was so wrong. So I started saying everything that was going on in my head. I called him an asshole."

The girls all sat back in their chairs and physically cringed. Malory pulled out her pack of cigarettes and began distributing new ones to everyone.

"Yeah, I know. So he stormed off. Which should have made me happy, or at least relieved. But then I just had this deep hollow feeling. Guilt, I guess." I stopped and twisted my hands in my lap. "Steph says that I should apologize."

"Why bother? If I was him, I wouldn't even talk to you again," Sean said.

"Fucking Sean!" Kelly griped, then turned toward me. "Do you really care what he thinks of you? Can't you just write it off as a lesson learned? I've had my times, and I don't know if I've ever felt the need to feel apologetic about any of them."

"Yeah, I'm with Kelly," Malory nodded. "If he was nothing special, than just let it go. Try to put it out of your mind. Focus on Matt and just forget that it ever happened. People make mistakes."

I looked over at Lilly. She twisted her mouth up. "I'm going with Steph. I was here last week, and I was there at the Good Bar. Geoff might be an asshole, but no more than Sean or any of the other guys. I didn't understand why you took everything so hard last weekend. The guy wanted to meet you and was nervous. You jumped down his throat. Then you jump him and then tear him apart? Doesn't seem like he asked for it. But that's just me."

"OK, so that's two for apologizing and two for letting it go," Steph tallied. "Which way are you going?"

"Wait," Sean interrupted. "What about my opinion?"

"Oh, shut up Sean. Let the girls iron this out," Steph barked back at him.

"Come on, Steph. Sean's just as much one of the girls as the rest of us. His boobs are just extra small." I cracked a smile. Some of the tension around the group seemed to melt away with that small gesture. Sean raised a finger and was about to defend his male ego, but I cut him off. "Please," I said and he lowered his hand. "you know how much I respect you and your harsh opinions."

I faced the group, pulled out a smoke and lit it. I took a deep breath and exhaled a solid white stream of smoke. "Alright, this is how I see it. Two for apologize, two for let it go and one telling me that if he were Geoff, he wouldn't listen to anything I have to say anyhow. So it looks like I'm going to let it go." I looked over at Steph. Her eyes were filled with concern. "But I'll make you a deal. If some time passes and letting it go doesn't feel right, I'll talk to him. OK?" She nodded and gave me an encouraging smile. "So that's that, then."

"That's that," everyone repeated.

"Don't you just love how we're all up in your business?" Kelly laughed.

"Actually," I said softly, "Yes, yes I do."

Then Casey was calling us over, and the rest of the night was filled with food, Jaeger and laughter.