Confessions of An Evil Bitch

Guess what? I managed to severely piss off yet another person in my life. Not that it comes as much of a surprise, pissing people off is kinda my thing. But it sure was amusing for me to discover this information in a blog. I've been told off in so many ways over the course of my lifetime, ranging from avoidance to physical violence, but reading about it in a blog was a first. Yay! Someone give me a patch to sew onto my Dysfunction Girl Scout outfit! Now all I need is the "Spelled out for you on Easter eggs" badge!

That info leads me around to another interesting concept that seemed to be stalking me yesterday, the idea of perception and how much it varies from person to person. The definition for the word perceive is: "To become aware of directly through any of the senses, especially sight and hearing." This is the main definition and the way that people should be basing their perceptions of various things. I went to see the movie "Hostel" last night and my perception was that it was passable but not great. I had been told by others that it was ultra-gory and I just didn't receive it through my senses that way. I perceived it as gross and juvenile. But that's just me.

The second definition for the word perceive is: "To achieve understanding of; apprehend." This is where people tend to play around with the meaning of perception. People are deriving opinions of people, places and things without ever having seen or heard them, they just are deluding themselves in thinking that they're achieving an understanding. On Myspace, people endlessly analyze blogs, bulletins and comments, searching for the hidden meanings. They find value or the lack thereof in people based on the poses that they strike in the pictures that they've painstakingly chosen to post. To me, it's a false sense of perception. You're not face to face with the person. You're not sitting across from a table and talking to them even when you're trading instant messages. You are unable to read the physical nuances that every human being possesses. Anything can be misconstrued over the web. Anything can be manipulated to someone's advantage. Perception of people based on what information they've selectively chosen to give you is a farce. And you're a fucking joke if you're taking all of what is exchanged to heart.

I found myself giving advice to a friend yesterday about the possible hidden meaning behind a picture comment. The first thing I could think of, based on the disasterous perceptions I had made while learning to traverse the matrix that is Myspace is that ..... It's just fucking Myspace! I hate to burst anyone's bubble here, but our little universe is not the real world. I know I'm a junkie, and I know that I spend far too much time on this damn site, but I learned the really hard way that this place can be murder on your ego and self-esteem if you let it. So my second piece of advice to him was not to let it get to him. Tough advice to follow, I know, but the most logical.

So then I needed to reapply that advice to myself after reading that aforementioned blog. At first it was a bit of a stinging blow; I had thought that I had been as forthright with this person as possible. I thought that I had given the most honest and direct information that I could. But his perception of me was still off whack. His perception of what he thought was going on was wrong. And it's his own damn fault. See, I'm not a bait and switch person. I give you all of the information that you'll ever need when it comes to me. Go look at my profile. I state what personality type I am. I even give you a link to go look it up, all you have to do is click and read. Then there's my blogs. While I keep finite details out of them, if you've got a firm enough grasp on reading comprehension, you'll get a feel for who I am. I'm as naked as it gets without taking my clothes off.

I've also stated in my profile that sarcasm is my life-blood but my sincerity will be the death of me. I'll joke like crazy with you because it's mental masterbation for me (if my twin doesn't mind me stealing that phrase from him), but in the long run, I will always let you know exactly how I'm feeling. And if you're not sure, I'm always open to questions. Ask around. I've posted those stupid "Ask me any 5 question you want" bulletins dozens of times over. I've never tried to weasel out of answering.

HOWEVER..... just because I am upfront and honest with you doesn't in any way make me your property. And just to reinstate what I've said above; It still doesn't mean you KNOW me. I clearly state in several of my blogs that I am fucked up. If you read more than one item at a time, you'll see that I'm as manic as they get without being diagnosed so. I can be exuberantly happy, placidly calm or a raging emo-case depending on the day. Hell, I can be all those and more over the course of one day if the circumstances are right. You really think you know me, when even I can't see what's coming next?

Woooo... tangent. It tingles.


I try my damnedest not to place any kind of hard and fast perception on a person that I've met over the internet. Hell, people have surprised me so often in my personal life that I try not to do it with anyone I know in "the real world." So while I'm a little freaked about this blog, I've not fully made up my mind that they're a creepy psycho, even though they might think I'm an evil bitch.

If you'd been paying attention you'd realize that I'm only an evil bitch every first and third Thurdays. Damn.... try to pigeon-hole a girl why don't ya?