Do We Need Timecards in the Bedroom?

Numbers. People are always all about the numbers. Cell numbers, account numbers, numbers of sexual partners. Some are innocuous and some have a deeper meaning that the mental health of an individual hinges on.

While I know the number of sexual partners I've had, I won't even begin to try and imagine what the number of TIMES I've had sex is. In the beginning, when I started a relationship and the initial sexual encounter had been broached, I was insatiable. Even though locations are often scarce when you are younger, I found ways to have as much sex as I could pack into the day.

Once the honeymoon period of a relationship wore off, those times would begin to dwindle. I never really thought that it had so much to do with not being in the mood for sex as much as it did with becoming bored with my partner. Once you've turned, twisted and flipped your body in every direction and violated every orifice, what else is there?

I know, I know. I've always been bad at the long haul. It's an Aquarian trait, getting bored with things and craving new experiences. I partially think that I had cooling off periods with boyfriends just so that when I did decide to start fucking them relentlessly again, it would have a newness feeling to it.

I never learned to have a happy medium. In the long run I ended up dooming my relationships by spoiling men. See, when you give men sex as often or even MORE often than they can handle it, they start getting spoiled. They assume that sex is going to happen and is supposed to happen on a multiple times a day basis.

Men don't really get as bored with sex as women do. You can deny this all you want fellas, but as long as you can have yourself a little mouth and a little pussy to penetrate, then you're good. While I understand that some women are lousy at sex, most of those who are don't give up access to the goods daily. You then have plenty of opportunities to back out.

But if you're with a women who regularly fucks you often then you start getting presumptuous. You don't allow for her to have a pissy mood. Much of whether sex occurs or not boils down to a woman's pissy mood. While most men believe that sex is the ultimate way to wax over having had a bad day, a bad day is what will hold most women back from sex.

So what is the magic number? At what point do you think: "OK, we've had at least enough sex for this relationship to be perfectly healthy."? Circumstances and individual personalities will factor in, but is there some universal number that should make everyone happy?

I've been asking my male friends recently what they considered to be a healthy amount of sex when in a stable relationship. The most common answer is 4 times a week... MINIMUM. I made sure to clarify the circumstances. This is if they were monogamous, dating and living together. This was also info given to me by my SINGLE male friends.

Does marriage change how often people have sex? Do children? Alright, so those are bone-headed questions. Most people will alter their sexual patterns whenever something new is thrown into the mix.

I know that after having my daughter, my desire to have sex plummeted. It didn't help matters that I was bored with my ex as well, but I still managed to relent to sex on what I thought was a healthy regular basis for someone who had just had a kid. We had sex at least twice a week, even if I wasn't all that into it. I was of the opinion that I should at least give it a go.

The problem was that I had spoiled him. For the 3 years prior to Midget's birth, we had been fucking on a nearly daily basis, sometimes multiple times during the day. When I was pregnant, I experienced no ill side effects, so the sex wasn't affected. Up to 2 days before I went to the hospital, the daily fucking resumed.

So when he learned that there was a "cooling off" period after birth, he was none too happy. Two days after bringing Midget home, he was asking for some form of attention. Keep in mind that I was in pain due to having to have had a C-section.

OK, so my ex was a moronic jerk, but my point is that he just didn't know how to handle the change of frequency. I was deemed selfish and unfair for not producing the same pace that I had in the past. It didn't matter that he had married friends without kids who fucked less often than we did even at the rate that he hated. Twice a week to him was not considered "healthy."

I've talked with many male friends recently asking them what they thought a healthy amount of sex was for a couple that was "serious" but not living together. The reply was eerily consistent. 4 times a week seems to be the magic number for men. I factored in that they might have been lowering that number so as not to offend me and receive an earful, but I still find it interesting.

When I ask my female friends what they think is a "healthy" amount of time under the same circumstances ("serious" relationship, not living together) their responses were lower. Most said 2-3 times a week, not a big difference by any stretch of the imagination, but still lower. Most also went into great detail over how if they weren't living together that getting together for sex would be more about making sure that they sex was killer as opposed to just getting together in order to have an obligatory fuck.

Myself personally, I'd have to go with the guys. When I'm not living with someone I tend to want to fuck more often, getting excited over meeting up and making time for the sex. Living with someone takes some of the mystery out of it. You know that it's going to be there when you get home. I get bored easily and prefer the chasing around. I like thinking that I'm doing something a little illicit, even if it's just to unlock the front door at 3 in the morning and fuck on the floor in front of it.

But then again, I'm a freak.


Discussion of the day:

What is a "healthy" amount of times per week for a couple to be having sex?