Grown Up Sex

zara's picture

I've written a lot about sex over the course of my "blogging career." Hell, I still write about sex on a regular basis and get paid for it, something that still is working circles in my brain.

To go over quickly the key points in my library of sexually referenced pieces, I'll try to outline them.

* I like sex.

* I love to give blow jobs. Sometimes even more than having intercourse itself.

* I enjoy anal sex when I'm so inclined.

* I have no problem discussing sex as a topic at large, but tend to keep my treasured personal details private.

* I do not have the easiest of time having orgasms and have always envied the women who (I always like to say that they "claim" the fact but that it isn't true) can cum from intercourse alone.

* Knowing and understanding details about other people's sex lives isn't arousing to me, but intellectually interesting. However, I prefer not to know specific details about the sex lives of people who are close to me, as I have to look these people in the eye on a regular basis. I am not a gossip about sex in the "Sex in the City" dynamic. But I loved that my blogs on Myspazz would get strangers to admit to me what their sexual desires included, so that I could compare those stories against their personal information that I knew about them (age, location, socioeconomic and racial backgrounds).

* I will always more strongly desire and be insanely attracted to what I knowingly cannot and will not ever have.

So, is everyone following along at this point?

It's been five months since the Man Person moved down to California to be with me and the Midget. We were friends through emails and phone calls for a couple of years before this happened. Never more than a couple of weeks at most would pass without us calling and talking for hours.

My first instinct from looking at his Myspazz pictures was that he was cute. Hell, I'll admit that I'm shallow. I wouldn't have bothered talking to him as much as I did if I didn't find him attractive. We have huge differences in some of our core beliefs, however. Mainly just the fact that I'm strictly atheist and he's a (non-devout) Catholic. Yeah, I never would have seen myself in this position, trust me.

Everything that we could have possibly talked about in a relationship, we'd talked about as friends. He'd seen me through my various obsessions, my proclamations of supposed love for other people. While he'd initially suggested that he was romantically interested in me, when I balked at that, he became a dutiful friend.

Most people will claim that a man who becomes your friend is just waiting to wear you down. That's nice and all, and perhaps that was a small percentage of why he kept me in his life after being so irritated with me shooting his early proposal down of trying something romantic. But if you know me at all, if you've really been paying attention, people DON'T wear me down. I might decide to rapidly change my mind, but if it's left up to someone else really wanting me to do something and sticking around hoping I'll come around, I can smell that bullshit from miles away and not cave to it.

When he came out to California last summer to visit, we honestly weren't sure what was going to happen. I figured that he was too short, so there was no point in getting my hopes up. And that once he had to deal with the reality of me: that I'm not some fanciful figment that most people reading my blogs had built me up to be (or that I'd even tried to convince myself that I was), I'd bore the crap out of him. Or simply disappoint him.

But we just got along. Like a quiet, natural way of things. Can I say that sparks flew and it was craziness and insanity and a feeling of some bomb going off in my brain? Nope. It was just peaceful and inhumanly normal.

Hell, even after not seeing him for 6 months while he saved up, got his shit in order and got ready to move down here (a move in which we'd just assumed would happen, as if it were like saying, "I'll send you a card when your birthday comes around"), within 2 hours of him being back here, knowing he wasn't going to leave in 6 days, we just settled back into normal.

(It is just now occurring to me that this post was supposed to be more about sex. Hold on and stick with me, I'm getting to that.)

Here's this man who I adore as a friend, who has seen more of the worst of me than I will allow most people to see and he's not running away. He's patient, considerate and doting.

He can also be a temperamental brat who shows little patience for particular things, takes some shit far too personally and whines like a little kid.

But through all of that, you know what the best part about him is?

He can last.

I've had a healthy share of lovers over the course of my lifespan. I started early, at just past 14 1/2 years old. I went through a patch where I was loyal and faithful to one man for a number of years before cheating on him. (Heh... if he reads this, I'll just say that there's the one you know and gave consent to and there's the one you don't know about. Just to clear things up.) But I've also given myself a couple of stretches where I abstained from sex (intercourse at least) for longer than I thought I could. It had been a year and a half since I jumped into bed with my current (and most likely final) mister man.

The headiness of our first encounters was intoxicating. But then the 6 month zipper lock seal lead to questioning if that was going to turn out to be an anomaly.

So far, I think we're sitting pretty. Sex is regular, it is passionate, it is lengthy.

My younger years (and my stint with the one person for the extended period of time, who with age never learned stamina) were filled with learning that blowjobs were my only key to possibly getting a second erection that could stand the test of time that it would take to get me off. And most of the time that wouldn't cut the mustard either.

I don't want to think that my pussy just feels that spectacular, but if it wasn't that, it would be the lengthy recovery time and the guy's lack of interest in round two after I'd apparently done more than sufficient work with the oral.

And I'm not big on receiving, did I remember to mention that?

I also love to masturbate, but feel this overwhelming guilt associated with it if the male in my life knows I'm doing it. (Trauma from that long-term ex.) So don't even bother asking me to masturbate in front of you. Besides, I'll cum faster if I can just rub my clit (or use a bullet vibe between us) while you fuck me.

I'm rambling at this point, I think. Being succinct was never my strong suit. And my misinterpretation of just how important I think I am or believe that other people think I am is a weakness as well. Self-indulgent little shithead, aren't I?

Five months into living with mister man and the sex just continues to get better and better. He LASTS. He at some point trained himself to hold out for as long as he needed to. His number of previous partners is significantly lower than mine, but his technique should be bottled and sold at a premium. He's older, which some people claim is part of the help (yet still younger than me, amazing when people think 31 is "older" for a man in terms of sexual experience) in sustaining the needed wood, but it's not just the erection that is maintained. It's his enthusiasm, his pure enjoyment of the act. His intense desire to please me, yet not the creepy kind where they can't get off unless you can. If I explain that it's not going to happen for me, he will ask permission to finish off.

I don't know. The sex thrills and amazes me. It is not exotic, we're not swinging into bizarre pretzel twists or anything. It's just hearty, full thrusted, sweaty and exhausting. You ever had that good kind of sleep that you get after a night of vigorous fucking? I get that sleep OFTEN.

I'm getting closer to possibly achieving the previously thought to be unattainable: g-spot orgasm. The internal orgasm that I feel looming and then get too impatient to stick with until the big surprise.

All the women's magazines have articles featuring ideas on how to keep the sex life stimulating. How to spark the erotic factors once you've fizzled. The interesting thing here is that I don't think I'm ever going to need those.

It's weird too, because I don't think about having sex with him over the course of my day. My erotic thoughts are not centered on the great sex I know I can get at home. My brain still ponders over the illusive sex that I'll never get to have. Those thoughts arouse me the most. I still think about... well... I still think about what I think about a lot.

But when I climb into bed, my mind not even on sex, and I slide up next to the warm, soft skin of mister man, I don't think about anything other than kissing him. Holding him. Grabbing him by the balls while digging my chin into his shoulder and licking his earlobe.

Some nights I just roll him over, suck his cock until he comes and then roll over and go to sleep. Other nights I get excited feeling him get hard in my hand and think to myself, "Hmmm.... If I ride him and then do that lean over thing where I can get the thrust that runs the head along that one spot, with my tits in his face and him whispering 'Use me.... use me...' over and over, I can get this done."

(On a funny side note, I apparently accost him when I'm asleep, grabbing at his dick and stroking him in the middle of the night when I'm dead to the world. Heh.)

I am comfortable with my man in my life. Yeah, we're not perfect and we fight about stupid shit like everyone else does, but there's a level of understanding and of endurance that's never been in my life before.

I don't feel like I deserve it so good. 75% of me knows that the rug is going to remain firmly under my feet. The other 25% still frets about something coming and taking it all away.

But hey.... those numbers used to be flipped the other way round not too long ago.

And come to think of it, I don't even like staying up late at night anymore. Not on the computer, at least.


I've missed you and your

I've missed you and your writing so much Zara. It's been quite a while since I've been on this site and have or even commented on anything. I'm happy that you have a good Mister Man now and I wish you both the world. From my experience there is always going to that 25% that worries but don't let it control you. You have natural human thoughts like the rest of us and well you've proven in your writing that you are all human. As for staying up late nights it feels that as I grow older a late night for me now is 1am and I cannot sleep past 10am, my body will not let me. But I will be back with more soon.

XX_Diabolique's picture

So I'm over a month behind, but still....

Out of all of that, the thing that sticks out is that you accost him in your sleep. Phill does the same thing to me. It's an actual sleep "disorder" called Sleep Sex, Sexsomnia or SBS. Apparently, it can actually be a pretty dangerous thing that can lead to rape and *ahem* unplanned pregnancy. Personally, I think it's the best "disorder" in the whole fuckin' world. ;-)
-[The Incomparable] Aidan Abhorrent

sole's picture

I never imagined...

when I was with my ex-husband that monogamous sex could be so fun. I was 19 when I lost my virginity to my ex. I was kind of a late bloomer because my older sister got pregnant at 17 and that kind of scared me. At first the sex with him was totally forgettable but even having no experience I knew enough to teach him a few things. It was a little ironic, given that he had been with many, many girls before we got together. I guess he just did his thing and moved on because the way he performed, I can't see anyone coming back for more. I thought I was in love though and being young and dumb, I invested everything in him. For a while the sex got better because he made an honest to goodness effort. I think he didn't even know that women could orgasm before we met. Funny. Anyway, after some time things just got boring and lackluster. I just assumed that it was because we were in a long term relationship and that was to be expected. I didn't factor in the obvious reasons, such as all the resentment I had towards him because of all the bad things he did to me. Even though I believed I still loved him, there was so much strain on our relationship that it ruined our sex life. Towards the end I didn't even want to have sex with him anymore.

After my divorce I had a lot of casual sex with guys I had no interest in building a relationship with. The flirtation and anticipation before the act usually turned out to be the most exciting part. Even though I was wildly attracted to most of them, the sex never lived up to the expectations. I was emotionally shut down at that time and all I really wanted was to have some fun, no strings attached sex, and then move on. It's funny how guys think that girls can't do that. It was usually the guys who ended up getting emotionally attached, and me having to give the "I never promised you anything" speech. I did that for about three years. I think I was also making up for all the sex I should have been having in my late teens and early twenties. But it was always lacking. In all that time, I think I only met one or two guys who could make me cum, and not that often. I'm also one of those girls who cannot cum from intercourse, except for a few times (I can count them on one hand) that I was able to cum while being on top.

So around the time that I started getting really bored of all that casual sex, I met Daniel. I knew he wanted something serious from the beginning and I respected him enough to know that I wasn't going to use him. I decided then that it was time to grow up and give him (and myself) a chance. I was surprised by how easily I trusted him and how quickly I was able to put down all those emotional barriers. I never imagined that trust and affection were the keys to the amazing sex that had always been missing from my life before him. Even the first time we did it I was amazed. When he and I have sex, it is guaranteed that I will have an orgasm every time - and good ones. I have an easier time with him than I do by myself! It is amazing to be with someone who knows you emotionally and physically inside and out. I always thought being comfortable with someone and used to them was the high road to boring sex, but it is in fact the opposite. He also lasts a long time and that may be an age thing (he's 34) but I think that a good lover is generous at any age. They probably train themselves to last as long as they do because they know that skill will be necessary in pleasing someone completely. Some guys just never care to work on their technique because they only care about getting their own jollies. In any case, with Daniel I experienced making love for the very first time, even though we usually prefer to just have sex. It's still good to know what it's like to have that really emotional and affectionate sex every once in a while. The only problem we sometimes have is that I have a higher drive than he does, and twice a week is usually not enough for me. But I understand that he's not a machine. He he. I think it's all that pot he smokes too. But if frequency is the only issue, I have no complaints. I can always take care of myself in the interim.

Now I must apologize for writing a blog of my own here. I guess I had a lot to write about because I can't write about these things in my own blog, given all the relatives in my friends list. And I appreciate when your writing is self-indulgent because I feel it gives your readers license to do the same. At least I hope it does. :)


AnneGwish's picture

Isn't it great?

I may have mentioned before....

Sex with my


3 years into the relationship (this time around)

We've known one another since we were babies, for real, like little crawling, drooling babies.

We smoked pot alot and made out a little in high school. Went to Sr. prom together. Once or twice we even made a go at the intercourse thing. Now, in those days, i'll admit, I was a little...ahem...promiscuous (sp?)...I spent alot of sheet (or backseat, or middle of a field...or garage floor...) time with some slightly older guys. I had "experience". My man, did not. I was so intimidated when we were together...just doin' the drrty with some random guy was, like, no big deal *pops gum*. But THIS guy....I thought at age terms of ...soul mate...and love.....and I panicked. I reasoned that if I actively sought to teach him things, to really get into the sexual part of it....that something would change...that he wouldn't respect me...that i'd just be a slut in his eyes...and I couldn't take that. So mostly, we stayed friendly, if I kept him at arms was because he meant so much to me. Of course men and women (boys and girls, whatev) are different animals, and he took my lack of sexual interest as rejection and we drifted apart.

Fast Forward 10 years. Life happened to both of us. Lots of it. We had remained in touch over the years, our older kids are the same age, we had some friends in common. We both got burned bad by the other parents of our children. yadda yadda yadda....the sex part..

In those 10 years.....yeah...needless to say, things changed in that department as well. I don't know where or from whom he learned these things, and I don't fucking care. That g-spot thing you mentioned. Yeah. For the first time. And many subsequent times. I'm not gonna say it's everytime, cuz that'd be lying...but it is often...and when it doesn't happen he'll happily give me a clitoral O. Ya know...if I don't fake it a lil cuz I'm tired ;o) I try not to be so ingenuous though. Anyway...isn't it nice? to have a partner, a lover...that isn't the most self-absorbed human you've ever met?

Sorry for the blog-within-a-blog here...this is one of those times that I'm craving a "girlfriend" sit and chitchat with...I need one of those...that doesn't like in freakin' Cali forgawdssakes!!

Love you Z.

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