Hey Ben Affleck!
Something occurred to me today as I was mindlessly leafing through some celebrity rag and came across a picture of Ben Affleck. I figured out what it will take to get his career back on track. Listen up, Ben:
Be an asshole.
I looked up his film credits and came across an interesting fact. I like him so much better when he's playing the asshole. Now, I suppose I could turn this entire blog into a piece of self-reflection in which I wax philosophic on how this means that I have a fetish for assholes, but I've already walked down that road in the past. This is just an observational piece.
Now, I'm not talking about the times that he played a rough-around-the-edges-but-really-good-at-heart character, like in "Good Will Hunting." I'm talking when he was nothing more than a self-absorbed, ID-drenched asshole. The following are the only times I've really liked ol' Ben:
"Dazed and Confused" (1993) - Ben played the sadistic O'Bannion, the senior hell-bent on beating the crap out of the incoming freshmen. True, he never really gets the opportunity, but he's still funny as fuck.
"Mallrats" (1995) - Ben was the anally-obsessed Shannon Hamilton in this completely underrated Kevin Smith masterpiece. He beats up Jason Lee (fucking inspired, the genius lines he was given) and tries to screw girls in the holiest of holies.... but once again gets his, um, come-uppance.
** It is important to note that he was so memorable in "Mallrats" that it lead to him being teamed with Jason Lee again in "Chasing Amy," the movie that got the mainstream to notice him and start their futile attempt at molding him into the next big leading man. Directly after he was cast in "Armageddon," "Good Will Hunting" (well, ok, so he did co-write that), "Shakespeare in Love," and "Forces of Nature." After which came:
"Dogma" (1999) - Ben was the fallen angel Bartleby and was given some of the most eye-opening, caustic lines in the movie. Perhaps you can consider the character simply a foil for Smith's message about religion, but Ben was good at being bad in this flick.
"Boiler Room" (2000) - His role was a minor one, but it remains the most memorable performance in the movie. His lines are instantly quotable and classic, including: "They say money can't buy happiness? Look at the fucking smile on my face. Ear to ear, baby." and "Anybody who tells you that money is the root of all evil, doesn't fucking have any." He was outstanding at motivating with complete bullshit and awesomely wicked at being such a dick.
Now, I must admit that I gave up on Ben after "Forces of Nature" and wouldn't have watched the other two movies had Kevin Smith and Vin Diesel (SHUT UP!) not been respectively attached to them. I remember some of "Changing Lanes", but as I recall, while Ben was a minor dickhead, he ends up seeing the error of his ways and punking the real bad guys in the end. So I file that under the rough around the edges catagory. I did see "Jersey Girl" and (yes, I'll admit it) "Gigli" and everything you've heard about how bad those two films are is correct, if you haven't yet witnessed their suckage for yourself. "Daredevil" was pretty heinous as well, as far as Ben in concerned, but I forgive it since it's the only movie I've really liked Colin Ferrell in (he should really do more roles using his natural accent more often).
Movies are truly in the eye of the viewer, so if you actually like Ben as the pseudo leading man, then more power to you. I've got some favorite movies in my list that most people think are absolute dreck, and I could care less. I'm merely trying to make a suggestion to the formerly adored by the masses actor that he's better at being an asshole than struggling through trying to be the hero. Of course, the public might embrace him again simply because he's a new father and parenthood changes the dynamic of everything..... but whatever.
It's just an idea, Ben. "Act as if." That's all I'm saying.