I Agree With Salt n' Pepa: Sexy Noises Turn Me On Too

zara's picture

I am not a screamer.

Allow me to elaborate. I am not a screamer in bed. I don't know if it is tied into the fact that I am not an easy person to get to orgasm, that fact lending itself to my concentration and therefore my quiet disposition between the sheets, but I just don't make a lot of noise when I fuck.

I love to hear noise, though.

Probably the biggest turn-on for me when watching porn is hearing the moaning and groaning. (Granted, only if it sounds sincere. Those fake tittied chickadees who are as phony as their boobies do nothing for me.) I love the sound of the actual orgasm, the hitching of the breathing, the guttural groan, the hard exhalation. That's enough to send me into my own orgasm.

Noise levels are one of the many obstacles in my sexual forays. I didn't make enough noise for most of the people that I made the decision to bed. In turn, they never made enough noise for me either. Or they went to the opposite spectrum and made such a ruckus that I was looking over my shoulder for the cops to break in and tell us there was a complaint from the neighbors.

Men usually fall on the quiet side. So focused, so self-restrained, it's as if they fear that making noise will send them over their own edge too soon. While in the middle of the main attraction, I can see the problem with this. Neither party wants the cookies taken out of the oven before they're fully baked. However, if they are quiet as a church mouse when I'm blowing them, then there's going to be issues.

I think that the same can be said for anyone. Since most of the time people have problems giving directions on how they would like to receive oral, it is the moans and groans that pave the way. I accept that men are too afraid to speak up and tell a woman if she is doing a bad job for fear that they will never again feel lips wrapped around their shaft again, but fellas? Could you at least drop the self-consciousness long enough to groan when we're working your shit?

I can do the groaning. I can do the moaning. I can do the light stroking on the top of the head like I'm giving a faithful pet a bit of praise. I just can't scream. I'll talk dirty in your ear. I'll use words that you thought women never used. I'm just not going to scream like I'm possessed or start thrashing about like I've just been pinned under a 2-ton truck.

Whenever I've gotten into bed with a man who turned out to be a vocal performer, I wasn't quite sure how to handle it. The moaning I can handle. The groaning I can deal with. I can very happily accept being called a "dirty tramp" or being reminded how much I "really like to suck it."

It's the lion-esque roaring and grunting that throws me. The screaming as if they need to make sure that everyone up and down the street knows that they're getting laid because up until then people were afraid that they might be collecting dead body parts in the cellar. I haven't met many like this, but I must say that I turned into the typical deer in headlights. I lost my desire to be a participant in the goings-on. I was more fascinated by the display than I was feeling as if I was a part of it.

So, happy medium? Groan for me. Talk to me. Tell me how good something feels. Tell me you like what's going on. Hell, even call me a "dirty slut, dirty whore!" I'm not Charlotte. I won't think any different of you. Say it like you're in the moment.

I think this is why I've grown such an affection for phone sex. In order for the person on the other line to know that you are enjoying yourself, you have to speak up. Or breathe like an asthmatic. It's teaching me to be a little more vocal. It's also teaching me just how much I love those sounds he makes.

Even if they do wake his neighbors.

Discussion of the Day:

Have you ever been surprised or disappointed by the level of noise a lover made? Is there anything that is "wrong" to say to you while having sex?

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