I Don't Wear Beige for a Fucking Reason

There's this old saying... "If you stand for nothing, you'll fall for anything."

I was prompted to think about this due to some conversing that's been going on between good ol' Sammy and myself about another person who used to be fairly close to me in the MySpazz world. The concept was brought up that she thought it was her "neutrality" that drew people to respecting her.

How mistaken she was. At least, from my perspective.

I have another MySpazz friend who is an ultimate darling in my life and means exactly what she means to me, even though she chooses to remain friends with other people who hate my guts. Lesley might just be the exception to the rule, but I believe that there are people out there in this world who can choose hypothetical sides while still walking precariously in the middle of the road.

With me, if you haven't been able to pick it up by now, I am a left or right side of road girl. Hot or cold. Loving or bitchy. If you really care to look at it that way. However, in order to obtain a true "warm" side, you've got to be able to accomplish the extremes.

Some shit went down on MySpazz between my Sammy and someone that I don't know of and could care less to take the time to get to know. I've got too much on my hands already to be bothered with that shit anymore. Since I was once in the thick of it, I have no desire to get knee deep in the stench again.

While Sammy could have chosen to be upset with me for not coming to her side (the main reason why I didn't get defensive was because I was that ultimate abbreviation "AFK" (Away from keyboard... doing the whole E, extroverted, living my real life thing), she didn't. And even if she'd asked me, I don't think I would have taken the defensive side.

I left a comment on her page which spoke how I felt about the debacle that I'd missed out on. "Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter."

Now, if it had been a close friend (or someone that we assumed was supposed to be a close friend) who had decided to unleash some venom, you'd better be damn sure that I'd have unleashed a fury that no person wants to come into contact with. I do not tolerate fighting from within. We are a family, and we are a smart family. One smart enough than to do that kind of shit to one another.

Those who are important to me will always feel it. I will make sure of it to the best of my scatter-brained ability. I will defend you to the deepest cut, slap sense into you when you need it, and basically just give you that feeling that even when I'm not around, I'm there.

Caroline was wildly mistaken in her assumption that I chose to cut her out of my personal circle because of her neutrality. I can accept when people choose to be friends with other people that I do not care for. That is their choice and I am all about allowing people to make their own decisions. In my line of work, I see kind and compassionate people have their "best interests" decided for them all the time, completely out of their full control. So I do not choose to impose my will on others.

But I draw the line at choosing to be friends with people for my OWN sake. That is MY choice, my decision for MY best interests and has NOTHING to do with the other person and their choices.

I cut Caroline out of my circle because I myself am not neutral. I do not support everything. I do not see a brighter side of every situation, a golden opportunity within every circumstance. Because as deliriously delicious that might sound, it's also just delusional.

I know who is important to me. I make my choices from there. Then I feel bad for the people who can't come to the decision what's (or who's) really important to them.

I'm not talking about Top 8's or Top 40's. I'm talking your personal friendship compass.

You don't need to fight battles for them, because if they understood that you had their back, they would never expect you to draw blood.

You don't need to defend them because you know that they are smart enough, strong enough, capable enough to do it themselves and that you yourself have made the effort to give them the confidence that they require to be that way.

I am a better person in my life because of Sammy, Lesley, Sole, Misty, Cyndy, Adie, Lark (as for my online girlies) and Paul, Stuey, Scott, Tim, Michael, Joel and of course Brandon (as for my online boys). Any one of them could ask the world of me and I would hand it over without a second thought.

But I know in my heart, I could get the same in return from them.

Because the warmest hearts are willing to burn hot and know when to give the icy shoulder.

I didn't make up the rules. It's just how it is. Neutrality isn't chosen. Neutrality is a learned and EARNED trait.