I Want This Motherfucker!

zara's picture

So I told you what kind of girl that I am. There were even a good number of women out there that said they could relate to at least some of it, so I'm not a complete anomaly. Today I thought we could tackle the list of desirable male traits, whatcha say?

The following is a list of things that I personally would love to find in a man.



1. I am the kind of guy who will NEVER mention my ex-girlfriend's name in your presence, whether what I am talking about is positive or negative.

2. I am the kind of guy who knows the value of a sentimental movie and will not automatically dismiss it as a sappy chick flick.

3. I am the kind of guy who understands that giving you a massage does not NOT mean that you are liable for giving me any kind of sexual gratification afterwards.

4. I am the kind of guy who will NEVER look at one of your female friends and comment to you about how hot her ass is.

5. I am the kind of guy who is capable of taking care of himself and doesn't treat his girlfriend as a surrogate mother figure, thinking that he no longer needs to cook, clean or wash his own clothes.

6. I am the kind of guy who loves video games but NEVER forces you to watch me play a one player for 3 hours straight and then questions why you're pissed off.

7. I am the kind of guy who feels flattered when he sees you being hit on by another man and NEVER feels the need to mark his territory.

8. I am the kind of guy who thinks Lloyd Dobbler was "the man" and not some whipped douche.

9. I am the kind of guy who buys you quirky little gifts for no apparent reason, not just when it's your birthday, Valentine's Day or because I fucked up.

10. I am the kind of guy enjoys "chick rock" (i.e. Liz Phair, Tori Amos, Alanis Morisette, Ani DeFranco, PJ Harvey, etc)

11. I am the kind of guy who will NOT call you multiple times during your day just to say hello, but might text one significant message that wouldn't mean shit to anyone but you and I.

12. I am the kind of guy who understands when you are on a diet and doesn't bitch about all the places we can't go to eat.

13. I am the kind of guy who keeps his pubic hair properly maintained.

14. I am the kind of guy who recognizes when you are pissed off and won't try to cheer you up or, worst of all, mock you for being in a bad mood.

15. I am the kind of guy who thinks you look hot in a T-shirt and jeans and will smack you on the butt as my way of showing you.

16. I am the kind of guy who likes to be clean, but doesn't spend more money or time on my maintenance than you do.

17. I am the kind of guy who will NOT attempt to wake you up in the morning by jabbing you in the back with morning wood.

18. I am the kind of guy who gets along with his mother, but will NEVER call her for her "approval" on anything before making a decision.

19. I am the kind of guy who values your opinion and NEVER will say anything along the lines of "What the hell do you know?"

20. I am the kind of guy who understands when he is too fucked up to drive and readily hands over the keys to you without a single protest.

21. I am the kind of guy who loves porn but prefers it to be varied, rather than having a creepy fetish for watching flicks with ONLY anal, asian chicks, red heads or gang bangs.

22. I am the kind of guy who will allow you to flirt to your heart's content while on Myspace and will NEVER question you as to the "hidden meaning" behind comments.

23. I am the kind of guy who takes his time and listens to your directions to make sure that you have an orgasm. I will NEVER ask you what your "issue" or "problem" is if you don't.

24. I am the kind of guy who will NOT flinch if you mention that you have your period and will NEVER utter anything even vaguely hinting that you are pissed off because you are "PMSing" or "On the rag."

25. I am the kind of guy who thinks you are the most beautful woman in the world... until I have a daughter with you.

If you are this kind of guy, repost this and title it:

"I am this guy."

If you are looking for this kind of guy, repost this and title it:

"I think that every man is capable of being this guy, even if he very clearly tells me that he is not. I will drive myself nuts and you away by trying my damnedest to get you to conform to this list. I will insist that you are the only one capable of being this guy for me and will torture and punish you for not being able to read my mind and invisible signals. I will burst into tears, call my girlfriends and scream about what an asshole you are when you do not."

or:

"I want a guy that does these things MOST of the time and will forgive him for the few times that he forgets."

or you can just hold them accountable (happy Paul?... I'm starting to agree with you more) and say:

"I Want This Motherfucker!!"

Comments

jomadd's picture

I am this guy, except I dont

I am this guy, except I dont play video games. Well, I play gallaga on my phone at work, but that doesnt count. And who doesnt like the occasional gang bang? Everything is negotiable, right?

Now let me be the deppressing guy. It never works, it never does, it never will. Why? Because we all want what we dont have. As soon as you get this guy, you will go looking for another asshole to fix. You will probably find him on myspace. Cant we all just come to terms with this and enjoy what ever time we have with each other and when it ends for what ever reason, just move on to the next basket case? I mean "you" in the plural. Not actually you Zara...

almost

I hit the mark on all but about two of them... I'm not perfect yet, but at least I am trying to learn. And hey, who wants perfect anyways, if someone is perfect it isn't any fun being around them.

Had me except for No. 22. To

Had me except for No. 22. To me that's just asinine. But that's to me, so whatever.

This Motherfucker!!!

I want him too!!! I nearly choked on the sip of coke I had taken when I got to the "one player only video games for three hours". Too funny... Thanks Girl - You make my day sometimes!

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