I Wish I Were a Pussy

A pussy cat, that is.

I want to lay around all day, sleeping in the path of a sunbeam that's cast in through an open window.

I want to be able to lick myself in places that would be hard to get to as a human female.

I want to have someone serve me my food whenever I so desire it.

I want to let people know that I am interested in receiving attention from them by simply rubbing on their leg and purring.

I want to snuggle in people's laps and be innocently pet.

I want to become so intoxicated by the smell of flowers that I become overwhelmed by the desire to chew on them.

I want it to be socially acceptable for me to chase things that catch my fancy.

I want to be able to scratch the fuck out of someone when I am pissed off.

I want to roll around on the ground and have people exclaim, "Awe! That's so cute!"

I want to hear the phrase "Oooo, you're so soft," and have it be a compliment.

I want to be able to "knead" someone to have them be more comfortable to lay on.

I want to be able to mark my territory by rubbing my cheeks on something/one.

I want to be able to communicate through a series of meows, purrs and hisses and not have anyone think that I'm insane.

I want to be able to entertain myself by batting around the plastic ring tab that comes off of the milk jug.

I want to be able to escape to the safety of a bookshelf when a person I do not like comes over to visit.

I want to be forgiven of all of my flaws with the phrase, "She's just a cat.... she doesn't know any better."