I've been through the desert

zara's picture

... on a horse with no name.

OK, just had to get that out of my head.

I like to not think because normally I think far too much.

I stopped to do something else and now I've forgotten what I was going to say. I like this new keyboard. Although it is still a little difficult to type in the dark.

Don't ask me why I'm typing in the dark. Sufficed to say, I am.

I don't have to work tomorrow. President's 3 day weekend. Makes me really happy that I'm not in retail anymore. Amongst other reasons.

If I had more money, I'd be helping out all of the people that I know who need help. Anything they need. I like to give stuff to people. I really wish I had more money just so I could do that. I want to help my dad meet Neil Young because I know he would totally dig on that. Can you imagine being able to give your parents some really cool gift and seeing their face? Like a way of saying "Look, I did well! I'm not a fuck-up!"

As opposed to my opposite.

Ah, well. So I'm a fuck-up. No big surprise. I was supposed to have potential, but that just didn't pan out. Maybe I still have potential. Maybe there's hope for me yet!

Or maybe not.

The Midget is snoring loudly in the corner. The Midget has been holding onto a chest cold just long enough to give it to everyone in the house. The Midget is quite thoughtful, that little shit.

It's almost like my mind is like levels of Zelda sometimes. I know there's so much more in front of me but every once in a while I've got to stop and log my whatever you call it. Just in case I have to start over. From that last point of entry. So I'll be thinking all these thoughts at lightning speed and then - POP! - my brain makes me stop and I look off into the distance like I'm damaged.

Oddly enough, I've never really played Zelda. I wonder why I thought of that now. I don't even know how that game works. What I was trying to say was that I stop and save.

I really don't like this time of night. I act like I do, but I don't.

Midget better not have to build one of those missions when she gets into school. Well, at that grade that they force the kids to do it. Because I'm not going to let her. I'm going to cause a stink at the school because it's teaching religion in a covert way. Plus, the missionaries are the ones who came into California and tried to tell the Chumash Indians (my heritage) that they were Mexican and not really Indians and took all their land and put them out. So no, she's not going to build a mini replica of that bullshit.

If I tried to do data entry right now, I think I'd think too hard and that would hurt.

So, peace out. I'm going to find something to do.


kiki's picture

damn song

I had to listen to and analyze that song in sophomore english. Fucking high school.
The teacher was a big blueberry of a man who also coached football. Excellent combination that, english teacher plus, um, football coach.
We counted one class period (approx. 90 minutes) and he said the words "um" or "ah" at least 300 times. *shudder*
This is the man who told me I couldn't read Ayn Rand for my book project on the basis that I wouldn't have it read in a month. 5 days later, I was on my third book of the month. I love having a class where I could probably teach to more affect than the actual certified teacher.

As to the actual subject? I recently told my mother off. She was less than an hour away from me and wouldn't come get my sisters necklace that was accidentally in my possesion. (Christmas gift mix up.)
I believe I used the term "black sheep fuck up of a daughter". She did nothing to rebutt it.
Thanks Mom.

America- my very first concert

Ya see I been through the desert on a horse with no name,
It felt good to be out from the rain,
In the desert,
you can't remember your name,
cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain,
la la la-a la la la

I love this song.

America opened for the Moody Blues in Providence RI back in 1978 or '79. It was my very first show. Tickets were $8.00.
Can you believe that?

You hafta see the movies if you're gonna get the jokes.

holy crap

wow that was all over the place!!! i hate when my brain won't shut off like that sometimes.

When I was in college....

...we used to go out drinking on Wednesday night. Then we'd go back to the computer lab. One of the guys, who should remain nameless, would decide in a drunken stupor that his thesis was all wrong and decide to rewrite large portions of it. He'd even delete the "stupid parts". The next day he wouldn't even remember working on it. The first time this happened, he thought he'd been "hacked" and someone was messing with him. Eventually he caught on that he was sabotaging himself, and he politely requested that we not allow him to work on his thesis while drunk. Being the college guys that we were, we would get him drunk and highly encourage it. His drunken writing was entertaining stuff, in a computer geek sort of way.

It's for this reason (plus your "I don't remember" comment below) that I find this essay highly entertaining.

zombiequeen's picture

It's the NFP -- Deffly

I do this lots. But I'm an INFP.

And today, sitting at work and thinking of home, my brain scattered across the earth -- I totally feel you on this point, too!


As soon as you mentioned Zelda I remembered my little sister playing that video game on Nintendo for DAYS!! Great blog, woman! You rock!!

dawn61036's picture

Shit...I forgot what I was

Shit...I forgot what I was gunna say :)

Peace Love & many Smiles...Dawn

melijayne's picture

I guess it's just the ENFP in you

I used to be a harcore ENFP, but grew into an ENTP/J (depends on my mood it seems). When in my early 20s, I was all over the place like that. I still have my moments where this happens. I'll be rambling along in a conversation with somebody, and bam!! forget completely that I even had a point. Of course, NyQuil has the same effect on me now...were you taking some NyQuil? :-P

No idea

I can have a really dope thought, leave my room, wander through the doorway into the living room, and then stand there looking all kinds of out of it.
I'm good like that.

You have tons of potential

Even when you think you have found your potential?

There is still more potential to be found, because it is fucking infinite.

I miss you, heifer!!!

Caroline L. Curry
Little Rock, Arkansas

A desert is a sea with its life underground!

sounds like me. I admire your ability to continue to write engaging material despite your malaise. I wish you good health and good fortune.

dawn61036's picture

Up, Side, Green, Flower, Tomatoe, Betty Boop..I think I have ADD

Lets see...so the topic of this blog is how your a fuck-up who likes video games but has never played them who likes to give shit away and has a (beautiful) daughter who snores...hmmmm

I think this blog is a lot like how I normally think...all over the fucking place :)

Peace Love & many Smiles...Dawn

Jackson Tea Crumpet's picture

awww poo

arrrgh....why does everyone but me get today off....arrrgh...oh well, atleast I get to see the shins tomorrow night...yay!

\Sex is like art, it's best when you get messy and have a good time!

I am the "baby" of AwesomeZara's BlogTalkRadio Show and I am DAMN proud of it!

That is all...END OF LINE

mistylou69's picture

Well that was...meaningful. ;)

You were on 10 different pages at once when you wrote this weren't you? LOL! Well, I'm glad you don't have to work...I do.

I like to give people things that make them happy too and I wish I had more money to do it as well. I don't think you're a fuck-up. You still have lots of time to do more great things than you've already done. Don't give up! Sounds so cliche but I believe in you. :)

I don't know what it's like to have my mind racing and be stopped to save the progress or whatever, but I have played Zelda and it was a cool game back in the day, but now...not so much.

I can understand your reasoning for not wanting Midget to build a mission, but what if she wants to? How do you think it will make her feel that everyone else is doing it and she's not? Just wondering if you took that into consideration...look at me...pushing buttons...lol. Sorry.

Were you under the Durka influence when you wrote this...or did you start out thinking of something grand to write about, but got bored? You're funny. I'm wondering why you suddenly thought of the missions kids build in school...heh.


zara's picture

Yeah, I've got no memory

... of writing any of the above. I didn't even realize that I'd posted something until I checked my e-mail and found that there were responses to it.

Oy. Things are not like they were in my younger years.


You crack me up. And sometimes down. I guess thats the way it is sometimes.

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