Juicy Details

Um... so, yeah...

Have I ever mentioned that I hate the word "boyfriend"? There's something so junior high school about the term. Using it makes me feel old and there's too much lately that leaves me feeling that way. The last thing I want to do is tack on a term that makes me cringe and shudder when I say it, even while I'm alone in the dark about to pass out from exhaustion.

However, I find myself in a place where there's a boy and I like him. I've liked him for quite some time now, just not in the capacity that would lead me to contemplate using the heinous aforementioned word. He's a boy and he's been my friend for some time now. I mention him very little, so the chances of you dredging through my older blogs and figuring out who he is are going to leave you with a sore finger from all that clicking.

When I first started talking to him, I thought that he was just another interesting addition to my little male menagerie. I like to collect men, although I much rather prefer the illusion that all of them are actually my friends. I've been repeatedly told over the years by males and females alike that bullshit line about how men and women can't really be friends, that the man is always thinking about having sex with the woman and that makes their friendship nothing more than a long-winded and elaborate set-up for mattress mambo at a later date.

I usually countered that by asking what it meant when I was friends with a gay male. Then the party claiming all this would pause and blink for a second before amending their little bit of insight to include the phrase "straight male."

Whatever.

I'm the first to admit that the friendships between men and women will always be fraught with sexual tension. If you don't want to fuck your friends than you're probably asexual. Or you just haven't gotten around to thinking about it yet. Just wait until you have your first graphic dream about them and completely throw yourself off kilter. In this sense, I think that I'm more realistic than most people. I can accept that my male/female friendships will always have or have had these types of thoughts. It's the degree to which you act on them which changes their composition.

Back to the guy. My guy. I've been talking to him since around the beginning of the AZ blog over at Myspazz. February of '06 and we're still talking. There was a collection of men from around that time that I no longer associate with. I don't mourn that fact - people have their times in our lives, some longer than others, and there's nothing wrong with letting people fade in and out in terms of their importance. Perhaps that makes me a cold-hearted bitch. My mom normally calls it me "being an Aquarius."

The only person from the blog that I've talked to longer is Paul, but I'm not sure if he counts in the same way since we didn't exchange numbers until I was drunk and bored one night and called him. Apparently I repeatedly accused him of sounding like my friend Niles and that I didn't think that he would sound like Niles and... Niles, are you playing a joke on me?

My guy freaked me out in the beginning. About two weeks into talking to one another over the phone, he started to tell me that he liked me. It was made evident by him getting pissed over something that I was about to do with another male. I was creeped out and told him so. I didn't know him all that well, he didn't know me all that well and the level with which he was expressing himself signaled that he thought more of our friendship than I did.

So I told him he was creeping me out. In fact, a few months ago I realized that there was never a time that I haven't told him the out-and-out truth. I spent the entire time that I've known him, that I've spent getting to know him, telling him all that shit that women aren't supposed to tell men. All the stuff that we keep from you for the sake of preserving your delicate egos. I told him shit that I know set the hairs on the back of his neck not just on end but on fire.

In short - I never treated, spoke to or regarded him as anything more than just being my friend.

I've never taken the time to get to know my boyfriends (ugh - that word again) in the past. I've usually jumped into relationships with them within hours of making out someplace dark. Or in the case of David, on the hood of his car while my other friend looked on in disgust.

I guess I never thought that I could make a romantic relationship out of a friendship. Most of my guy friends are wonderful creatures. They're quite literally the best men that I've ever known. All that shit that makes men undatable. Being nice, conservative, predictable and having a whole hell of a lot of patience in order to put up with having me as a buddy.

All of these traits made them boring dating material. Yeah, I'm that bitch who knows a nice guy when she sees one but never manages to date him. Mainly because I never thought that I could inflict my crap on him. I never felt like I deserved being treated well, by a boyfriend at least.

But I'm older now. Which is why I really think I hate that term. Boy doesn't quite apply in this case. Friend is still a legitimate description but it doesn't quite cover all the bases.

He's short. He hates me saying that. I doubt I'll ever fully "get over it." I've told him this. It's one of my glitches. Some people don't like clowns. Men under 5'8" throw me. (Although it would probably be more apt to say under six foot. For the record, he's 5'8" himself.)

He's got great eyes. The skin on his back is so incredibly smooth that I couldn't resist constantly sticking my hand up the back of his shirt wherever we were and stroking it lovingly until I'd blissed out and he was warning me that it was leading to a noticeable swelling on his part.

He's kind, he's giving, he's calm, he's a dork. He has issues, just enough to make him that wounded male type that I was drawn to when I was younger. Best part of all is that he's an adult. In many ways he's just as childish and goofy as I can be... but he's all grown up. I don't have to mommy him, I don't have to baby him. In fact, he wants to take care of me.

And as independent as I am, you'd be surprised at how good that sounds to me.

So yeah. Looks like I have a boyfriend. Until I marry him or something.

Heh... heh... *nervous shaking*