The Legend of Bi-Curious Jean

zara's picture

I figured a strange thing out in an inadvertent way just yesterday. Got my ballot for the Whateverth Annual Why the Oscars Suck But That's OK Because I Can Win Prizes yesterday with Mr. G's regular stern warning about how everyone's picks need to be in by a set date or they wouldn't count.

He included the phrase, "Fair is fair," right after that sentiment. Which instantly made me think of Helen Slater in THE LEGEND OF BILLIE JEAN. (Yeah, I can't break myself of the Cap Lock titles. Get used to it.)

Which made me consider something else. See, I can see the beauty of an attractive woman as much as a normal guy would. Granted, my tastes are specific and often strange and rarely shared completely by anyone, but nice face, nice body, good smile... we all know what looks good.

But then there's my fascination with those women who look like young, almost prepubescent boys. Short hair, androgynous wardrobe, baby faces. I am transfixed by these women, be they lesbians (95% of the ones I've met are) or just being trendy for the sake of unisex sake.

When I talk about fascination, let me be specific. I want to be fucked by these women. I would like to discover carnally how they're not boys, even if the wrapper says otherwise. Most of my lesbian dreams revolve around women who sport this particular look. And I just made the connection to where this might stem from.

Helen Slater, cutting off all her hair and looking feminine but boyish, tough but tender. I was only 10 when this movie was released, most likely 11 or 12 when I watched it on VHS or basic cable, as I don't recall this being a movie I watched in the theaters. I loved the movie in a young girl kind of way. I looked up to the character of Billie Jean. I wanted to be friends with her or, better yet, be like her.

As I've worked my way through life, I've met people of all different sexual preferences. I'm not talking necessarily about gay versus straight, but more the inclination by which they represent their interests. I know of butch lesbians, of those who hate the word dyke and those who wear it like a badge of pride. I know of lipstick lesbians who look like a man's drool inducing billboard but only prefer tacos, not sausages. I know of women who are accused of being lesbians because they choose a sporty look, often mistaken for being too manly.

I have asked questions. I try not to pry. I bolster my opinion of myself by thinking that I'm not one of those people who is constantly asking for personal information. But I've always been a curious kitty. So in times when it seemed most appropriate, I've asked blunt questions.

Like I said, I'm fascinated. If I don't know it, if I'm not capable of doing it myself, if it's something that I want to understand better, I will become a P.I. Although the P is more public than private. (I also am one of those people who wants to know why people hate me. Not that I'm upset over them hating me, but I want to find out what it is about me or what I've done to cause their opinion of me to be so.)

Adie can understand some of this, I believe. I've been virtual friends with her for a few years now, first drawn to this young woman because she sported this intensely rebellious androgynous look and attitude. I found her to be instantly, sensationally beautiful. Which was rather disturbing for me not due to the sexual implications of it, but because she was a mere teenager and I was... well, old. Older, but I felt old by comparison. She'll probably read this (*waves*) and may or may not understand what I'm getting at.

Hell, I'm starting to lose track of what I was getting at.

I've had sex with a woman. I've "done stuff" with other women. All of the precursory flirtation is more interesting that the act itself. I like the thrill of possibly doing it rather than the actually doing it. I am bisexual in thought. I am bisexual if you believe that having sex at any point in time with a person of the same gender as well as the opposite gender makes you bisexual.

But really? I'm just boringly straight. Hell, the fact that the girls that I like look like boys probably says more about my proclivity towards screwing one of my daughter's friends when she's a teenager than it does about me being interested in banging women.

I think I need to go chew on that thought. You make your own decisions from here.


dawn61036's picture

to be in the box or outta the box is the question...

Havent read any of your stuff in some time ... played catch up today. Anywho...

When people ask me if Im straight I always respond with "Im straight most Sundays thru Thursdays?!?" I can relate with the fact that I have had my share of "fun" with other women, so in a sence of the word I am bisexual. But I really consider myself a boring straight girl that gets outta the box (or into it lol) from time to time. I do indeed see myself in a monogamis relationship with a man for the long haul.

Peace Love & many Smiles...Dawn

mistylou69's picture

You're so freakin' funny...

Everyone is curious! Asking questions to find out what you're wondering is great! I figure if you're not trying to be something you're not it's better to just be curious and ask questions, then to "dyke out" with some lesbians and regret it half way through...since you like the idea and the flirting more than the actual act. From my experience with lesbians...many of them HATE bisexual girls, because...well...we don't make a commitment to men or women, but would rather have both whenever the mood strikes us. It's fun to make out your Aide Sim, because it's exciting, but not real so it's safe at the same time, right?

I've never seen that movie...I just keep thinking of Tank Girl! LOL.


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