Luckily For Men, Women Will Still Date You Even If You're Ugly

Even though I just detailed how my childhood crushes growing up were based strongly on physical features, most of the men that I've dated over the years I dated because they had something more to offer than just a pretty mug. I've preferred to date men who were interesting for some reason other than just the physical.

When I was a teenager, much of my lust was centered around guys with musical talent. I could romanticize their looks as long as they had a guitar strapped around their neck or drum sticks swirling in their hands. They were never the brightest bulbs in the pack, but at least they had passion. Musicians never failed to be romantics at heart who would often profess their undying love. What young girl doesn't revel in that?

As I grew into my late teens and early twenties my mom gave me a really good piece of advice. "Date the nerds," she said. "They're smarter and they work harder." She raised an eyebrow at the end of that last sentence and then smiled. "Guys who didn't get a lot of action when they were growing up tend to make the most of the action that they do get later."

She was right. Nerds try harder in relationships, including the bedroom side of the equation. If a guy was overlooked in high school because he was too skinny or too fat, if he had braces or acne or glasses, if he had any of the teenaged girl mood killers going on, chances are he's glad to get the action that is offered to him now that he's older.

Which is where straight nerdy men get lucky. When we're younger, women might put more emphasis on what a guy looks like, but as we mature (which we do much quicker than most males do) we learn what is most important. It's not so much what you look like when we're on your arm, it's how you make us feel.

It doesn't take a pretty face or flat abs to make us feel loved and cherished. It takes a brain, a passion, a sense of devotion. I won't deny that for some women material gifts play a major factor in conveying that passion, but for the most part we just want to know that you're there for us. Well, there for more than just our pussy. (Or at least make us feel like you are.)

If a man is funny enough, women will overlook a wardrobe consisting of battered t-shirts and ratty jeans. If a man is smart and witty enough, we'll forget that he has hair that looks like it was styled with a hand mixer. If a man knows what to say to us when we're having a bad day, it really won't occur to us that he has a gut hanging over those ratty jeans.

I've even overlooked poor skills in the bedroom for a guy who was able to fulfill all of my other emotional needs. I've dated a good number of dogs over the years simply because I really enjoyed spending time with them. Personality is huge in my case. I consider Bill Maher to be one of the sexiest men alive. He's not exactly what could be considered cover model attractive. Plus his opinions range from being mildly offensive to downright misogynistic at times. All of which plays into why I find him so damn attractive.

I don't think that men could put up with what women do. Sure, if a girl is stupid you can overlook it (even if only temporarily) if she's got a pretty face and a nice set of tits. But even those men who insist that they need to have a women be smart or funny to keep them interested wouldn't date a smart, funny woman who weighed 400 pounds and didn't shave her armpits.

There isn't a sense of humor good enough for a man that would get him to overlook a woman who was cross-eyed (even though - let's face it, girls - Jake Gyllenhaal has that semi-cross-eyed look, admit it!). The smartest woman in the world couldn't use her brain to compensate for the fact that she had some strange skin disease that left her face looking like Edward James Olmos'.

I'm exaggerating, of course. These women could eventually find a man who would love them, put the pool from which they would be able to select one would be much smaller than a man in a similar situation. There are groups of women who love bald men. Try finding a group of men who would be interested in balding women. (No, not of women who voluntarily shave their heads.)

I'll admit that it surprises me just how many women have fucked the ugly men that I know. Even though I understand how women overlook this stuff, I'm still floored when I hear stories from ugly men and they talk about how many women have gone down on them, or how many times two dames have fought over them. I adore my friends, but there are times when they're telling me these stories and I think: "You? There were multiple women who fought over your fat, hairy ass?"

But it's true. Even the prettiest of girls feels as if they need to compete for a man. Because of the rule mentioned above. We really do believe that the pool of men willing to be interested in us is lower. And we really are right. Unless we're flat out gorgeous (which few women really believe, even if it's actually the case), our list of willing candidates isn't as long as a man's.

I bring it back to one of my older theories. Men like sports because there are a definable set of rules, written in a book so that they can later be referenced if needed. Women turn life into a sport. Only problem being that there is no definable set of rules in life. We play a "game" that we'll never win because it just wasn't designed that way. We're trying to claim a trophy that doesn't exist. As easy as it might make life feel, there is no Stanley Cup for living, loving or anything else that pertains to growing older.

I tried dating a pretty guy once. Surfer dude by the name of Jason. Long chestnut brown hair that was piled in a mass of springy curls on his head. Huge hazel eyes that sparkled and a smile that could rival Jon Bon Jovi's. He drove a 1967 Malibu, played bass and read Voltaire. He was smart, sexy, gorgeous and surprisingly enough, interested in dating me.

Our first date was to the movies, where afterward we walked the Promenade discussing directors and cinema history. I was uncomfortable the entire time, fidgeting and trying not to look him in the eye for too long, lest he would catch on that I wasn't worthy of his time. The second time we went out, we stopped at the mall so that he could buy something for his aunt's birthday. (He claimed he needed my help picking something out.)

By the time that I was pushed out of the way by the umpteenth overly helpful salesgirl, I'd given up all hope of dating Jason. I couldn't picture a future of constantly having to tell girls to lay off my boyfriend. He was gracious and apologized whenever he saw that I was uncomfortable, but I think he understood it too. He stopped calling after the third or fourth unreturned phone call. He was a good guy. I really do hope that he found someone who could put up with it.

I feel sorry for the ugly women of this world. Just as much as I feel sorry for the attractive men. Because I'd take a damaged looking fellow any day. Most of us average girls would. Because in this strange little game that we've constructed, the majority of us are playing to break even.


Discussion of the Day:

Ladies: Do you find yourself more attracted to men who aren't all that good looking? Do you tend to steer clear of men who are too handsome?

Men: Being totally honest (no bullshit answers because you're afraid of how women will perceive you in your response), would you be willing to date a woman who was ugly? What factors would need to play into effect for that to happen?