Midget Review!

There is no better way to have a movie explained than through the musings of a child. You want the best and simplest breakdown on just about anything? Hit up the under 10 set. Who wants to listen to the pompous droning of some cinematic elitist? To wade through paragraphs upon paragraphs and think: "Damn, bitch! Just tell me how many motherfucking stars you're giving this thing!"

Solution? Ask a child. The Midget is my go-to gal for all film wrap-ups. Here are some of her takes on some movies we've recently watched.


Ice Age 2:

Me: So, what did you think of the movie?

Midget: I liked the part with the possums... and it was good.

Me: Anything else?

Midget: I liked the part where the mammoths fell in love.

Me: Anything else?

Midget: Nope, that's about it.


War of the Worlds (Tom Cruise version):

Me: So, did you like that movie?

Midget: It was kinda scary.

Me: How so?

Midget: Well, there's aliens... cept they're not really aliens, they're machines. And alls they do is shoot people up and kill them dead. And that's about it.

Me: Yeah, that is pretty scary. (insert sarcastic tone)


The Island:

Me: You sure you want to watch this?

Midget: Mmmmm Hmmmmm.

(almost 2 hours later)

Me: What did you think?

Midget: The girl was pretty.

Me: No, what did you think about the movie? Did you like it?

Midget: The girl was pretty. I liked her hair. It looked like Barbie's.

Me: That's it?

Midget: Mmmmmm.... yup.


The Skeleton Key:

Me: This might be kinda scary.

Midget: I like scary.

(2 hours later)

Me: So, tell me what you thought? Was it scary?

Midget: Not really. It rained a lot. The girl was tough, but then the lawyer man choked her.

Me: And she wasn't tough anymore?

Midget: Well, she tried to run away, but they got her and hit her with a mirror, and then she was weird.

Me: I think you're giving away the "secret."

Midget: What secret? There was a secret?

Me: Yeah, the adults might think so.

Midget: You lie! There was no secret! And it wasn't very scary either. Just rainy.

Me: Well, thanks for clearing that up for me.

Midget: You're welcome. I'm gonna go play now.


Many thanks to Midget for giving me material with which to have a lazy Sunday post. If you all like this, it might become a running thing on Sundays. Let me know.

Til then, remember that the rating systems for movies mean diddily. Just watch the movie with the kid and be there to answer any questions. You know: actually TALK to the kid. INTERACT. You'd be amazed at the results.