Midget Review 3!

Midget now carries around a notebook and pen whenever we begin a movie. "I'm getting ready to write my Midget Review," she announces before dropping onto the couch. She makes a few nonsensical scribbles and then throws the pen on the floor.

"Forget this. You can just type it all like normal. 'Sides... how do I put the paper into the 'puter anyway?"


And on we go...


Just Friends:

Me: What was this movie about?

Midget: It was about a rocker girl. She plays guitar and licks the man's face and takes his pants off. I think she wanted to make sex with him.

Me: Really?

Midget: Well, you have to be naked to make sex, and she was trying to make him naked, but he pushed her away. He didn't like her. He liked the cheerleader girl from when he was fat.

Me: Who was cooler, the rocker or the cheerleader?

Midget: The rocker girl, cuz she was funny and her hair was much prettier.

Me: So, was this movie funny? Did you like it?

Midget: Well.... it was kinda sorta funny, like when the girl shooted the guy with the zapper thing and he got all full of 'lectricity. But it was kinda boring too. There was too much kissing.

Me: You don't like kissing?

Midget: (emphatically shaking head from side to side) Nope! Kissing is gross. That's where your germs are. That's how people get sick.

Me: But I give you kisses.

Midget: That's different. (Rolls eyes.) DUH.

Me: So... no Midget approval?

Midget: Nope. Unless you like rocker girls, then maybe, but I still say nope.

Me: OK then. Gimmee kiss.

Midget: Don't be stupid! (plants a kiss on me right after saying this)


HIDE AND SEEK:

Me: I saw you pulling the  blanket up on your head. I think you were actually scared of this movie.

Midget: (shaking head and crossing arms defiantly) Nope. I thought maybe I was going to be scared, but then I wasn't.

Me: So what was this movie about?

Midget: It was about a girl and her mommy dies. Oh, and there was a cave with water in it.

Me: That's it?

Midget: Well, everyone thought that the girl was crazy, but she wasn't crazy, her daddy was crazy, but then her doctor shooted him and now she's happy and she gets to live with the doctor who is her friend.

Me: I think you just gave away all of the secrets.

Midget: What? That her daddy did it? (makes a "duh" face) That's easy.

Me: Well, sometimes movies are supposed to be about suspense.

Midget: What's that?

Me: It's when people don't know what's going to happen, they're just given little clues and then they get surprised over what happened towards the end.

Midget: But it's not a surprise. The daddy did it. He killed the mommy and the other lady and he gets shooted by the doctor. But then the girl IS kinda crazy because she draws a picture of herself with 2 heads.

Me: The DVD said that it has 4 different endings. Maybe we should watch those too.

Midget: Why for?

Me: Yeah, I guess you're right.



MR & MRS SMITH

Midget: This movie was about action and breaking stuff.

Me: What kind of stuff got broken?

Midget: Oh! Their whole house. The guy was a spy and the girl was a spy and they got mad at each other cuz they was lying. So they started to shoot guns and punch each other like this: (swings arms about wildly in a punching motion). I think Mrs Smith and Mr Smith were badass.

Me: Who did you like better?

Midget: Mrs Smith FER SHURE! She was really pretty and her hair was all like this: (flips hair off of her shoulders dramatically). She had the bestest clothes and she could shoot a gun and she won a big bear when they was on a date.

Me: Did you like Mr Smith at all?

Midget: Yeah, he was OK.

Me: Just OK?

Midget: Uh-huh. (Looks around distractedly)

Me: But Mrs Smith was better?

Midget: TOTALLY. She's the bestest thing in the whole movie because girls kick butt! She was so badass!

Me: You really picked up on me saying "badass", didn't you?

Midget: (proudly) Yup.


TAKE THE LEAD

(Midget and I went to see this is the theater that Pooka works at)

Pooka: (Upon exiting theater) So are you going to do the Midget Review for this movie?

Midget: Eh... I guess so. It's what I do.

Pooka: Well, did you like it?

Midget: I liked the dancing OK. I want a blue dress like the girl with the dark hair.

Pooka: What was the best part?

Midget: I liked the ICEE and the popcorn you got me.

Pooka: No, I meant about the movie.

Midget: Oh. (long pause) I guess the dancing.

Me: Was there anything about it that made you laugh or happy or any other kind of emotion?

Midget: Nope, I don't think so. There was just dancing sometimes. And the teacher talked a lot. (Scrunches up nose) And he talked funny. I didn't really understand him.

Me: So, Midget Approval or not?

Midget: I guess so. If you like dancing.

Me: But I thought you liked dancing.

Midget: (shrugs shoulders)

Pooka: I think you have your answer.


THE FOG

Me: (Before starting movie) So.... Do you think this is going to be scary?

Midget: Not really.

Me: Are we ever going to find a movie that you're scared of?

Midget: I'm only scared of ghosts.

Me: (After movie) This movie had ghosts. You must have been really scared.

Midget: Nope. The ghosts were kinda creepy but also a little stupid.

Me: Why?

Midget: Because they were in FOG! That is so stupid.

Me: Fog is stupid?

Midget: Well, it's not scary. They were dead from years and years ago and they were burned in a boat. The main ghost wanted the girl because she looked like his wife, and when he sawed her, he kissed her and she became ghost. Not even any blood! She just turned ghost and then they all went away.

Me: So it wasn't scary?

Midget: (Huffing exasperatedly.) Nooooo! I said it was stuuupid! Jeez.

Me: Alrighty then.



(Non-Midget Review.... I watched "Must Love Dogs" this weekend, and although not having high hopes as well as the knowledge that it had gotten abysmal reviews from the "important" reviewers, I must say I really liked it. It had a little to do with the lead character's family, which reminded me of my own, and her whole situation in general. If you're a single female at or over 30... watch this movie.)