Moments of Emo Lore

The following was written about 5 months ago after yet another fight with yet another person who was speaking words that I'd heard so many people before them say to me. I actually enjoy having that depressed emo-esque emotion hang over my head. It's fantastic for helping one to achieve just a little more insight into who they are. Whoopee. More self-awareness! Just what I need!!

Journals, blogs, etc are essential for helping us get through moments that feel unbearable... or even just the moments where we think we've fallen too far into complacency. I look back on something I wrote during a darker time in my life and laugh uncomfortably at the raw emotion. As Screwy might say... "It's funny because it's true."


"I can be such a kick-ass person on the surface. If you only know me through casual conversations and light-weight interactions, then chances are you like me. Hell, you probably dig me something fierce. Just don't scratch below the surface. Things are a mess under there.

Think of me like a bed covered in attractive linens. Looks rather inviting and gives you the impression that you'll get a nice night's rest out of it. But when you pull back the dust ruffle, you discover all of the crap that's been shoved underneath. Emotional demons. The remnants of wrappers from a previous life, never having been thrown away. It's all been shoved under there. And just as you are settling in on that comfortable mattress, closing your eyes and thinking this is the best deal you've ever found...... BAM! You're slapped in the face by one of the oogie-boogies that were lurking below.

Hell, I could use dozens of metaphors to describe how fucked up I am, how fucked up I feel. My point is, unless you want to deal with my bullshit, don't get too close. It's tricky though. I like when people get close to me. I like thinking that people might understand me, even to the point of stretching some small simpatico moment into something it wasn't. And that's not your fault, it's mine. I'm well aware of that.... well, I'm well aware of that after I've unleashed my torrent of shit on you. Then I cry like a derranged banshee when you go running out the door.

I don't even understand myself, what I do or why I do it. I like myself just as much as the next person, when glancing at the surface. The rest of the time I'm just afraid. Very, very afraid. And I can't run away like you can."