Not So Bright of an Afterglow

zara's picture

Now that the fucking is over, can I bring out my fight bell and give it a ring?

You - go to your corner. Me - this is my corner. Take a breather, get some water poured over my head by a doting assistant, perhaps smear some more Vaseline on... um... anyhow.

Time to assess the damage. Everything still intact? Were kudos assigned to each person? Any missing limbs, dislocated appendages? More or less: was it an experience worth the time, energy and effort expended?

We established that kudos (orgasms) don't always need to be achieved in order for the sex to be fulfilling. There were some people who completely disagreed with me on this, but for the most part, it was decided that the journey is more fun than the destination.

Point is: Was it good? What the fuck IS good sex? Orgasms? A body drenched in sweat? Paramedics in the room because one or both of the parties involved hyperventilated?

I think the answer to what good sex is lies in the personal opinions of the people involved. For me, it doesn't have to include an orgasm. If I laughed, if I connected with the person, if there was plentiful foreplay and I felt as if my presence and involvement was appreciated, then I'm good.

What I think a bigger point of contention is when we try to come up with what the definition of BAD sex is.

If we were to believe the long-running statement that sex is like pizza and that even when it's bad, it's still pretty good, then is there even such a thing as bad sex?

Um, no one is allowed to argue with me on this point. There most definitely IS such a thing as bad sex.

I thought all day about what exactly it entailed and had difficulty coming up with a specific set of things that would doom a session. I can tell you about times when sex was lousy, but the reasons why certain times were bad and others had the same factors and were actually pretty damn good is beyond me.

For example, the main complaint when sex isn't satisfying (deal with it, guys, no ego-coddling here) is because the guy didn't have a big enough dick. I've never had the complaint thrown in my face that my vagina is too large, so stop yourself right there before you get started. (Jacob, I'm looking at you.)

If a dick doesn't have the undetermined correct length and/or girth, the fucking isn't going to be up to par. I can't speak for the rest of the ladies here, but if there isn't something to a man's member that makes me feel like I'm being invaded, then I'm just not going to enjoy myself as much.

Oddly enough, I've been with men that haven't rocked me intercourse-wise due to a lack of size and yet the overall experience wasn't one that I would deem a bad one. Some were great at foreplay, some knew what they were doing orally, some just were intelligent, funny and charming. I think the thing that helped get me past the lack of size issue was that they knew about it, acknowledged it, but never made it a big deal.

I've had more lousy sex with men that had average sized cocks and it was mainly due to the fact that they constantly disparaged themselves about their size. They were fidgety, insecure, and constantly looking for me to bolster their ego during the session. I spent so much time trying to make sure that I wasn't saying or doing the wrong thing to avoid making them feel bad that I never got around to feeling good.

Dicks play a huge part in a woman's satisfaction, both because they can be too small and because the confidence level of the man that they are attached to is too small as well.

That got me to wondering: Is bad sex just a combination of not enough dick and not enough confidence? Actually, not always.

See, there have been times that I've had great sex with someone who had a low level of self-confidence. It was great to sit there and make them feel good and see those efforts greatly appreciated and then turned around on me. Sometimes those with low levels of confidence really are just looking for a helping hand. Others are like perpetual welfare mothers, always with a hand outstretched, but unwilling to meet you halfway in getting what they want.

Perhaps there isn't such a thing as "bad sex." Maybe it's just the wrong combination of people along with bad timing.

All the more reason to get to know someone a little bit better before rushing into bed with them.

Don't argue the "instant chemistry" angle with me either. I've spent entire nights wrapped up in someone, thinking that they are going to seriously rock my shit, only to get all worked up and then find out that the rocket that I thought I was about to ride had a dead charge.

Although, I'll admit that there is ONE thing that will always sour the sexual experience, even if it had been good up to the point.

No cuddling afterward. I need recoup time. Seriously, didn't you hear the damn bell I just rang? There's your corner. Now get into it and give a girl a damn minute!


Discussion of the Day:

What is your definition of "bad sex"? Is it possible to start off having "bad sex" with someone and turn it into "great sex" or are you always doomed to something less than stellar?

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