Parenthoodlum

zara's picture

I'm not the world's most conventional parent. I allow my 6 year daughter to swear if she's frustrated, think it's cute when she makes The Shocker ("Two in the pink and one in the stink.") with her little hands and let her watch R rated films as long as it's at home and I'm with her. I have shown her pictures that a photographer friend of mine takes; black and white nudes that Midget delights in cooing over. I don't talk to her in smaller words or cutesy pie terms and I let her know when she's getting on my last nerve and to buzz off when I need some space.

Therefore, it should come as no surprise to you that I hate other parents. I hate the diaper talk, listening to the sibling woes, hearing about how their child is in one class or the other and blah blah motherfucking blah. I will sit through it for people that I like, but I just do NOT mesh well with random parents.

It's been going on for a long time. When I was pregnant I hated discussing all the personal trials that I was going through. I thought it was embarrassing to talk about my heart burn and swollen feet while I was in the middle of it. I didn't want people to touch my belly and even fought with Midget's PGC ("Paternal Gene Contributor") about making too nice with my bump. I went to one of those birthing preparation classes but always wanted to sit in the back and to the side and just observe and not participate.

After she was out in this world I wanted to do everything myself. I've never been someone who accepted help all that graciously and it didn't get any better even after I'd been sliced open for Midget's removal. I had complications after her birth which forced me to ask for help from my mother and sisters, but fuck asking another mom. It didn't help matters that I became rather depressed and had fantasies of walking out of my apartment, leaving my newborn wailing in her swing, and never returning. But admitting that I was fucked up would mean admitting that I needed help which in turn translated into me admitting that I was weak and helpless and couldn't do it by myself.

Nuh-uh. Wasn't happenin'.

I got past those rough times and went into those toddler years, knowing that I needed to get my kid out and get her socialized. She didn't do daycare with other little kids, being watched by various family members because I couldn't afford to have a stranger do it (and secretly really didn't want to). So certain afternoons after working and on the weekends I would trudge down to the local park, a bag with sand toys and a book for me to read. Midget would totter around the play area and I would sit on the side and keep one eye on her and one eye on my book.

The other moms were all those SUV driving soccer mom bitches, usually "watching" one or two older children while carting around another baby in a sling, thinking that they were discretely nursing. Overhearing their oh-so-stimulating conversations about diaper rash, play groups and breast feeding and why they were such heroines for doing it made me want to retch. All the while their little heathens were beating the crap out of one another, pushing my daughter out of the way to get to the swings or slide. While my kid has always been a strong one, overly stimulated and usually filled with the energy of 3 kids her age, I still would not tolerate her getting pushed around. At least not by strangers' brats. I'd gather her up, reprimand the oxygen-wasters (a waste since they obviously didn't know words outside of "pee-pee" and "boom-boom") and go hang out with my daughter one on one.

All of this was fine until the day came that she needed to be in organized schooling and daycare. She's been enrolled in a great private school that costs me more money than I should be paying but it narrowed down the number of asshole children. Most of Midget's classmates are sweet little kids, well behaved if a little robotic at times. They've managed to cool her down and she's learned way more than most kids her age based on the small classroom size and generous individualized attention.

The downside to having your child in a private school (especially when you're a broke parent) is that the other families are usually: A) two parent households, B) very affluent and C) have fucking birthday parties every other weekend.

I can get over the first part, although there are times when Midget makes mention of what it would be like to have both a mommy and a daddy. She's recently started obsessing over boyfriend and "getting married." While that bugs me a little bit, I understand that it's healthy for her to be expressing that when all of the other kids have it and she doesn't. I explain to her regularly that she's not the only one out there with just one parent and that she's got it better by having her Nona and Papa involved as well as her two aunts.

The money thing isn't something that she notices since someone is always catching the slack on getting her stuff. At one point I needed to put the kibosh on my mom buying her clothes when I started organizing t-shirts and had to stop counting at over 40. If my kid wants it, my kid gets it. Even when I can't really afford it or if I have to go without for myself. I owe her that much.

If there are any problems that are harder to deal with than the others, it's the constant chattering about how she's an only child. Apparently she's the only one that she knows, all of the other kids in her class have at least one sibling. The constant barrage of questions about when I'm going to give her a baby brother or sister has only increased as she's gotten older. I'm really not certain how to deal with that other than what I've been doing which is to remind her that she wouldn't have as much attention or stuff if there was another kid around.

I've finally gotten around to the birthday parties thing and why I hate other parents. Over this past weekend I took Midget to a party for her best friend, a gorgeous and docile little girl from her class who has been the most wonderful influence on her at school. I shy away from most of the other parties after last year when I took her to all of them and came up broke from getting gifts. (Essentially it's supposed to balance out since they all come to your kid's party bearing a gift. Only problem is that I hate hosting shit for kids and parents I don't know, so instead we take Midget to Disneyland or some other fun and expensive place as her birthday gift. In addition to that I bring a cake to her classroom at school since I'm not throwing a party. Thus I'm out all that money for the other kids with nothing in return.)

But since I can't resist the dimples of Cutey-Pie, Midget got to go to her party. Held at a gymnastics club that Cutey-Pie and her older sister attend (yes, these people are affluent, remember?), I watched as my daughter ran in and greeted her friends. Watched as she removed her socks and shoes and got into the stretching and basic moves demo. Watched with a smile on my face seeing her enjoy herself and then looked over at the other moms chattering away in those fake, high-pitched for-public-when-socializing-with-people-I'm-not-completely-familiar-with voices.

They looked over at me as I stood to the side (Cutey-Pie's mommy is a really nice woman who is very generous with throwing the great parties that I am thankful she invites my daughter to attend, but that still doesn't mean I want to pal around with someone I have nothing in common with outside of Mommyhood.) and all gave me that weird glance. See, I don't pick up my Midget everyday from school because most of the time my mom can get her since the school she works at is right up the street from Midget's. Plus, with the hair up in my lop-sided weekend ponytail and the tattoos behind the ears, I'm not exactly approachable material.

And I like it that way.

After watching Midget run herself ragged for the first half hour and determining that I'm going to be spending a lot of money on summer classes at this place, I noticed that many of the parents had split. I've never been one of those people to leave my kid with strangers. I made her, she's supposed to be my responsibility. The only people that I don't mind watching her are family and the school. I've missed out on dates and other entertainment activities because I have issues with finding and trusting someone outside of my circle to babysit her.

I noticed that the parents split the last time that Cutey-Pie had a birthday. I stuck around the three hours that we were there last year, watching her and trying my best to do that fake social thing. I ended up sitting in a corner by myself and sending text messages for the majority of the time.

See, I can't be fake. I can't do that fake happy, smiling thing where you pretend for face value that you like the person in front of you because that's the socially acceptable thing to do. I can only pull off fake if I'm getting paid to do it, but after working retail commission sales for 8 years I realized that it ate away more of my soul than I was willing to part with.

That doesn't mean that I can't be social. The thing is, my idea of social and the idea of social of a group of women whose lives are all about babies and kids and their cars and their play groups... yuck. I can work a room full of people with similar interests as me even if I don't know anyone in the room. I was a killer salesperson because I knew what to say to people while remaining true to myself and never lying about merchandise. Yes, there still is a value place for us honest salespeople to fill. But please don't assume that I have something to talk to you about just because you hosted a child in your womb too.

I've become friends with people who happen to BE parents, but never made parents into friends. The blogging has brought me together with people that I like and then we ended up trading battle stories, something that I'm fine with since we'd already established a friendship outside of all that parenting crap.

I've been thinking about it for the last few days, trying to figure out what exactly my issue with it is and I've come to this conclusion: I'm competitive and I'm sensitive. I don't want to hear about some other kid and how well they do because then it makes me feel like I should be pressuring my daughter to do something similar when that's the last thing that I want to thrust upon her. I loathe down to my very core the people who see their children as an extention of what they couldn't do when they were growing up, those people who later have to display all the stickers and the trophies and the ribbons. The people who laugh about all the time they have to spend carting their kid around to appointments and competitions and metes. I'd rather just sit back, observe what my daughter shows an interest in and then encourage her to try it out. I am her safety net for those times when she wants to stop and needs me around. I am not the person throwing her up into the air.

Being sensitive doesn't mean I chafe easily and need special detergent. It means that I can't stand to be criticized for my parenting skills. I don't like people looking down their noses at me because I don't mind letting her run wild as long as she isn't hurting anyone or herself. I know that I watch her the entire time and not just turn a blind eye. It still bugs me that people make judgments when they're the ones with more kids than arms.

Yes, I've allowed Midget to have a bright red streak put in her hair as a special Xmas present. Yes, I bought her a child's toy tattoo kit. Yes, I buy her those fancy tattoos that come from the machines and plaster them all over her. Yes, I let her dress up for the Summer Solstice parade in Santa Barbara. Yes, she is in love with a bassist from the local rockabilly band. Yes, she speaks to adults as if she were on the same level as them because I don't believe in condescending to my child and have instilled in her the confidence to address people of any age, race, gender or sexual orientation. Yes, I am fine with the fact that her Ken dolls are all gay and that she thinks drag queens are "the most beautifulest ladies!"

So NO, I do NOT want you trying to allude to the fact that you think I am a permissive mother. When my daughter is in high school she will be more accepting, more loving, more understanding than your child. She will not need to rebel because she will know that whatever she chooses to do, within legal limits and my own guidelines of acceptability, is open to being introduced. She will not dye her hair black because she wants to spit in my face. She will come to me when she wants to have sex and she will be accepted without judgment for it.

You can go ahead and think whatever you want about me, I know you already do, but I'm not going to stand around and make pleasant small talk with you pretending as if I don't know what you're thinking. You don't like me. And guess what? I can't stand you. Go ahead and try to act the opposite, but you're not fooling anyone and instead you're showing your child that it's somehow better to be a fake asshole than a sincere human being.

Feel free to think I'm permissive but I'm not sticking around for it. My child is another human being and not a little version of myself and I will refuse to treat her that way. I will not continue to breed because something is missing inside of me. I was full to begin with, what with all the shit that goes on inside my head. Midget simply pushed me to overflowing.

Try not to be jealous.

As Midget enters public school next school year, greeting first grade head-on and decreasing the times that I will come into contact with other parents (since thankfully most of them will be working parents like me), my issues are subsiding somewhat. Until the slumber party years creep up. Then I'm fucking screwed.

*Sigh*


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Comments

Eulalie_Cholmondeley's picture

Midget

Midget is a very lucky little girl.

Luna_Wolf's picture

Similar Thinking

I have very similar viewpoints. I'm married yes, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm extremely unconventional. I don't typically get along with the other moms, especially the super busy multiple kid perfect PTA/soccer mom. I have absolutely nothing in common with those people. My daughter is allowed to think for herself, watch what she wants as long as I'm there (hell, Shaun of the Dead is one of her all time favourite movies. Ever.), read what she wants, and pretty much say what she wants within reason. She's not allowed to cuss yet beyond 'hell', 'damn' and 'crap', but that's only because she needs to understand that it's not appropriate language at school, and she WILL get in trouble for it. But I also don't treat her like a child. Well okay I do, but I don't condescend. She deserves to be like a human being, and not some 4 year old mommy-toy (my daughter's 8, by the way).

I pretty much do what I want and say what I want, with her or anyone else. If she's getting on my nerves, I say so. If I want some lovin', I say so. And she LOVES the fact that I'm gonna be a fat girl model in a fat girl calendar, and that soon I'm going to be getting more tattoos and more piercings. She thinks it's fan-fucking-tastic that I'm not a typical conventional mom. And honestly.... so do I.

And I think it's great that you're not conventional either.

By the way, I'm sorry I didn't sign up sooner. I kept meaning to, and things kept popping up that distracted me. But I'm glad to be here now.

"Knowledge speaks but wisdom listens." -- Jimi Hendrix

im a rarer breed thain you...

hey i am the same boat as you but im a single dad im the only single dad i know so find it hard to get advice and help as mums dont relise that they dont allways have it the hardest. Some times it makes me sick how people look at a single dad as if im not the right choice to raise my daughter as if she might of been better of going to her granparents. i just read you'r blog here and i fell you are to insecure about you'r methodes of parenthood and that you might think that outher parents are talking behind you'r back but you are probly wrong as most people actuly have more important (to theim) things to talk about even if that is how great ther child is. Allso who are you to have a go at a parent if they are proud of there child showing skill and ability at a sport/academic ability shouldt they be proud of there children ? I would like to think if you'r daughter came in first in a compertition you would be proud of her and if asked about it tell epople about how great you'r daughter did as when i was a small child i never got any prais for anything i did well but got told off for everything i did wrong not the perfect world i must say but a lot better than millions of children from around the world. in short im just really typing to say you shalld give a fuck about things especialy things about you'r daughter even if they only concern you'r daughter in the smallest of ways have you asked her what she feels like never having a party with all her friends round ? well im sure you wont read thsi as i think that was a old post and if you do you will think im a prick but ive read every one say how great you are and how amazine you are and saying yes you are right well that may be true but most of theim are talking out of there arses and just saying what they want you to hear i am saying what i think i might be wrong or right there is no way to ever know as life is to short to find out. i am going to leave this now with one word from me.
you msy not give a fuck but does you'r daughter ?

P.S i have problems spelling im sure there are many mistakes for this i am very sorry

Synaptic_Overload's picture

OK, I'm not a parent, but I'm an uncle

First of all, it's really great to be back and find that your blogs remain the same integrity and the trademark fuck-you-if-you-don't-like-it that you put into them.

Regading to your blog post, I somewhat can relate to what you're expressing, since I can't stand being around my sister's mom friends that all they do (including my sister) is talk about worthless, mind-numbing, pointless shit, and talking to their children as if they were retards or have learning disabilities. When it comes for my nephew to be around me and start asking me questions and try talking to me about anything (I some times can't stand the little bastard, since both his parents arranged turning him into somewhat of brat), I don't go about it as if I'm his parents or a parent to a friend of him, talking to him as if he is some sort of an idiot, I adress him in the same way as I'm adressing you through this blog or to anyone else, and if he doesn't understand something, I don't let him wander what the fuck did I say, I thoroughly explain in words he can understand.

Why do parents have to sit through endless hours of idiotic conversations, always putting on a Cheshire Cat smile, as real they are? And why the fuck do they keep trying to turn their children into lovable idiots that can be compared to a cute little puppy, both as cute and stupid? Get a fucking clue! They're people, they'll understand you if you get them used to being adressed to as any other people. Also, why do they need to use their children as means to cover for their fuck-ups and insecurities? If you didn't hack it in due time, too fucking bad for you...Your children are not your ego extensions!. Is as if they're willingly demanding less of the coming youth, when it should be the opposite; basically, they're raising them to be stupid and teaching them to be nothing, at least nothing that any other face amongst the crowd.

Break them freem from this vicious circle of 'lovable idiots' and give them some of your fucking precious time that you enjoy wasting in stupid conversations with your fake friends at coffee shops and any other social gathering and sessions with your therapists. Nothing more from my part

"He who's Authentic assumes responsability for being what he is, and accepts himself free from being who he is". Jean Paul Sartre

jomadd's picture

Ok, Not a parent so I am not

Ok,
Not a parent so I am not going to comment on parenting styles. I dont know what I would do....
I try not to limit my exposure to very many people. Even the fake people we all hate give you an oppritunity to grow as a person. And you just might find out that they are thinking the same things you are thinking.
I like to use the technique of having "conversations" and saying nothing about myself. It is amazing how deep into people you can get without giving any info. I credit most peoples egos for that little nugget. Their favorite subject is them. It can be quit fun to put them into odd positions just by asking questions about info they give and watch them be compelled to answer......

jozenxiv's picture

You really are awesome!

Have you seen the movie Little Children with Kate Winslet in it? I think you'll be highly amused.

Anyhoo...can you adopt me? Hahaha. Too late right? I live in a very conservative part of the world (Philippines to be exact) and I guess it's fair to say that my family is conservative too. After reading your blog, it made me think, "Hey, what if my mom was like that?" Don't get me wrong, I think my mom is wonderful but I was just hypothetically pondering. However, I really like your approach to parenting. More power to ya!

By the way, I admire you for doing your thing and not allowing yourself to be swayed into being a cookie cutter. =)

bayZ

dawn61036's picture

Single Mommies Rock

I too am a single mom. And I had my son right after I turned 17, so I’m a young mom that doesn’t relate to the other moms in my son’s class (I’m 30 and he’s 13).

I dress in Jimi Hendrix T’s, wear ripped jeans and like to show off my tattoos. I’m not ready to graduate to the pleated skirts and parkas yet (if ever) by any means, that just wouldn’t be me! I am very self expressive and have raised my son to do so also. I allow him to do many of the same things you allow Midget to do. R rated movies & video games, speaking his mind even when it consists of saying “fuck, shit or ass”. I don’t censor him and the world around him.

He is a very well rounded, open-minded young man. I believe this is because of the fact that I never let him grow up in a “box”, I have always spoke to him (and his friends) as I would to any other person, I treat him/them with respect and let him/them be his own individual(s).

As him and his friends are growing into young men I find that I get the respect back from him as well as all of his friends. I’m now the “cool” mom that they enjoy spending time with, they feel comfortable and always welcome at my home. They tell me about their lives – school, girlfriends, home, their worries and problems and the things that make them happy.

Today when I go to a school function I always hear “Hi Tyler’s Mom”, and it feels fucking great. Way better than some other mom coming up to me and being all prim and proper and saying “Well, hello Ms. Livingston and how are you today?” When I hear shit like that I wanna smile and say “Fuckin great, thanks.”

I also know what you are saying about the birthday party shit…I too have a huge bday party for my son every year and find myself buying gifts for all his friends constantly all year. This year I had a surprise bash for him and when it was all over I told him now that hes 13 no more parties…but we will see, I tend to be a pushover when it comes to seeing him smile and get his way. Plus who am I to say when I still celebrate my birthdays with friends.

Great blog Zara…

Peace Love & many Smiles...Dawn

SouperAsh's picture

Its hardly worth counting the votes.

All appear to be in favor of your method of parenting. Few are the parents that treat a child like an individual person. I offer my congrats as well. For six years I was in a relationship with a mom that might well have been a duplicate of your style of parenting. Speaks to her daughter as a person, explains thoroughly when kiddo asks "Why?", takes very keen interest in her school environment and so on..

Its been fun and eerie to note the similarities between you two.

Cheers-

Gina the Ninja BAMF's picture

werd!

I don't like soccer moms, and I never want to be one. If I become a mom, which I honestly don't want ever, I want to be a mom like you. Probably because I would have loved to have a mom like you when I was a kid. My mom was, well... lazy. I had a dad who was awesome, and a mom who sat on the bed and said she would pay my younger sister and I to find the remote for her, because she didn't feel like it. I dunno, maybe she was an ok one, but there are just so many things about her i cant stand that I don't know what positives there were anymore. Oh wait... she made really good jam... um, yeah. I would kill for a mom like you, and I want to be a awesome mom too, IF I ever become a mom.

Ewww... diapers... Not happening.

mistylou69's picture

Can't say that I completely understand the feeling but...

I do know what it's like having people act like they're your best friend, when you really don't have one thing in common and they're talking shit as soon as you walk away! You're not one of those "yuppie" moms...I think that's what I'm getting from this. You're not the "my kid is better than yours because they have 20 thousand trophies for this and that!" type of mom...even though by all rights your child probably is 'better' than those kids, because like you said, she'll grow up more caring, understanding, and certainly more accepting than other children...therefore making her a better human being and definately a better contribution to society in general. For that I thank you for being the tattoo'd 'outcast' parent, because if it weren't for you being her safety net and not pushing her to be what she doesn't want to be...she might've turned into one of those dispicable humans that we really don't need any more of. Thanks to you, your daughter will be (already is) too fucking Awesome! Sincerely.

xxxoooxxx
Misty

Soccer Moms are annoying...

Wow...I feel the EXACT same way you do about the other so-called "perfect" parents! They always look at me like I am a bug that just crawled into the daycare, or playground, or wherever we happen to be. Then they give me their fake little smiles and comment on how cute my son is. I feel like screaming...."I don't Care what you think of me! I wouldn't like you if I knew you, and we DEFINITELY wouldn't get along! So don't look at me, and even THINK you know anything about me!" I also am so glad there are other parents who treat their children like little people with their own personalities and ideas. I never agreed with treating a child like a non-entity, precious IDIOT just because he may be young.

My son LOVES the temporary tattoos, and all the stuff you mentioned. I even SERIOUSLY considered letting him put a streak of fuchsia in his hair (he saw me "painting" my hair, and wanted me to do the same to his), but figured it was probably not a good idea. He is, after all, only 3 3/4 years old!

I sometimes feel like I am not a good parent, because I am not like all the "soccer moms", and don't agree with the ways the "good" parents feel you are supposed to interact with your children. Then I realize that my son and I have an AWESOME relationship, and he will be such a more interesting, well rounded person because I let him explore "him". I don't think anyone could love their child more than I love him, and from the way you describe you and your relationship with Midget, I think you know exacly what I mean :)

Ugh

I really HATE those gym parties. Standing on the side of the mat while the mothers compare options on their mini-vans and talk about their soap-operas (why am I always the only father there?).

Next time Z, I hope you're there, too. Then we can stand next to each other and text in peace. While our girls bring non-robotic life to the party.

I hate to break it to you, though, but I don't think it gets better with public school.

Evil Eye's picture

More parents need to be like

More parents need to be like you Zara. I still remember the first birthday party my kids went to. I was shocked when I looked around and realized I was surrounded by over 20 kids and 4 other adults. The parents had slipped off one by one so stealthily I hadn't even noticed. What the fuck, over! I can't tell you how many times I've had to cancel something because no one but family watches our kids.

I hate those playground parents who don't even notice as their demon spawn bowl over all the other kids at the park. Worse is those that think it cute. Yet when I tell my kids to defend themselves and their kid ends up on the ground suddenly they get all upset. Is it my fault that my kid knows how to body check kids without ever raising a hand?

Oh, and I have a saying: You haven't done retail until someone carries your nametag up to customer service, without you removing it from your shirt first.

lrk1977's picture

The "professional" mommies -

Yes, I know them well. When Allen was in the Navy, they were the officer wives. They had the clothes from the Gap and Limited - the moms AND the kids. Their baby accessories were all JEEP related and came in gender appropriate colors. They had the Burberry diaper bag, etc. etc. God forbid my Walmart or Old Navy clothed kids "dirty" them or their children just by association. *sigh* Yes, I can relate completely to what you are saying. LOL

I may have four kids, but I have never been one that always has to talk about "mom" related shit. (even when I was a stay-at-home mom) Granted, my kids are a big part of my life, but I don't have to talk about them and their poopy diapers every waking moment - there is more to me. Which makes me wonder, if these moms live only for their kids and their kids' activities, what are they like on the inside? I would guess they are very empty and in a sense lost.

Z, I have always thought you are a WONDERFUL mom. Hearing how you do things with Midget has challenged me to do things a bit differently and I absolutely love that. You help me to be a better mom! Seriously. :) Thank you!

Oh, and if we ever get together, you need to teach me how to toke - we are SO NOT talking about kids. (well for the first hour at least! :D)

rennasmom's picture

Im a stay at home mom so I

Im a stay at home mom so I feel the need to take my 2 yr old to play groups so that she can be around other kids her age. After attending several of these, I feel like it is more for the parents to socialize than the children. I hate how they all discuss what books theyve read and how they do everything the "right" way. Im like you in that I would rather treat my child like a small adult rather than a big baby. I sit alone in the corner as well wondering if we both would be better off if we just spent time together rather than in this social setting where the moms are comparing the children but in reality are saying "Im a better parent than you." My husband is a high school coach, so Ive already seen what these same parents are going to be like 10-15 years from now, and thats not going to be me. Id much rather have my child think Im a wonderful parent than everyone else.

kiki's picture

if it weren't such an odd question...

...would you be my mommy? Oh wait. Awkward.

I'll let Michael call you that. Mwahahahaa.

I can only aspire to be just like you, I'm not even kidding. If I ever have kids, or kid, or spawn, I can only take your example.

I only hope I'm still talking to ya when she's a teen. Cause that'll be interesting.

I think she might bible bang.

myfathersbaby's picture

Mind your own damn business!!

Actually I agree with your parenting. I think if my parents had been a little bit more open with life I wouldn't have started rebelling the minute I turned 18. Yes many rebel at a younger age but my mother kept a firm household with no room to breathe or allow us to think for ourselves. Don't get me wrong I love her to no end but she likes to control us (my sister, brother and I). I'm not a parent yet, but I completly understand you when it comes to talking to other parents about raising their children, I saw it when my aunt was having her first and ALL the other mothers were giving their opinions and arguing about who is right and who is wrong and why you shouldn't let a child watch TV because it limits their imagination, she just wanted to jump up and scream "will you all mind your own damn businees!"
~Desi(red)

Helena's picture

You Go Girl!

You know that I was homeschooled through most of my life. As such, the only influences, and people, I had to talk to were college graduated adults. Most of them between 30 and 50 years old. Being able to talk to people of that age group has been one of the best things I have ever learned. Because now that I'm older, the middle aged people and I share similar experiences. We had the same mentors, and same older people around. The major difference, is I understood those old farts, while the middle aged people of today still have difficulty with it. It is the one thing that I can attribute a good deal of my intelligence to. Because I have a lot of old stories to pull morals from. Of course, my parents messed up a bit with certain things, but they meant well.
Great write Zara! Sorry I've been gone for so long. I'll try to do better! Keep up the good work, k?

-Helena

xoxo

martha's picture

It's a good way to approach things.

My mother was comparably permissive with me. And while I did, indeed, take advantage of it and act out occassionally, I'm really glad that she raised me the way that she did. I noticed, growing up, that the kids who's parents were too overbearing were the ones who rebelled the most. And it always seemed to me that they were doing it mostly to spite their parents.

I always felt really lucky to have a mom who I could approach honestly and openly.

I'm sure Midget will feel the same when she gets older.

And I'm sure by the time she hits high school she'll hear a lot of what I heard:

"You have the coolest mom EVER."

Exactly!

I've always loved reading about your relationship with your child and I like and respect you more each time.
My parenting style will be closer to yours than any other parent I have ever known.
A zillion kudos.

cheekie's picture

I am not a parent. Not yet

I am not a parent. Not yet anyway, I do want to have children one day. After reading this, I've come to a conclusion. I've always wondered about the type of parent I would be when I do finally have children. I want to be absolutely, 100% the parent that you have described in yourself!!! Great writing.

Bessos!!
--Ability in itself is nothing when denied opportunity!! Bessos!

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