Scrapped Topic: Laziness Personified

zara's picture

I love being lazy. I love sitting in dirty, crumpled clothes that I was wearing the day before, watching DVDs for 8 hours straight and getting up only to fetch some food and drink or to use the bathroom. If I wasn't obligated to do anything, I wouldn't. Wealth would not provide me the opportunity to try out a lot of shit I hadn't done before. It would only serve to give me the money to travel somewhere else and sit on my ass there.

Whenever I go on vacation, I don't make plans. I wander aimlessly around and look at the locals. I sample all of the different kinds of food that I can't get where I usually live and I generally just sit in the sun and nap. I hated going to Maui and needing to make plans about what luau we were going to go to or what fishing boat we had to get up at an ungodly hour to board. My favorite day of that entire trip was when I got a chance to be alone for 12 hours. I walked the beach, made lunch, read a book in the fragrant air and then masturbated myself into naptime.

Don't get me wrong, I love new things. Trying out stuff that I've never done before is always a great experience and I'm never one to turn down a bet or a dare. But if you leave it up to me, I'm always going to opt for relaxing and doing a whole lot of nothing. I'm directionless and I love being that way. Some of my best adventures have happened when I didn't have anything planned.

This isn't always the most profitable way to live your life. I went to college out of an obligation to please my mother even though I detest school. I love reading, I love discussing and debating. I basically love learning. But I hate school. I hate how all of the fun of learning has been sucked out of it. People aren't there to learn anymore. People are there to sit in a chair, do the grunt work and be given the little piece of paper that says they get to make more money than the cashier at McDonald's. Which is probably why I hate the students the most when it comes to going to college.

I went to a private university my first year out of high school. After my parents could no longer afford to send me there (over $20,000 of my mom's savings eaten up) and not having the grades to get scholarships, I kicked around the local Jr colleges for awhile. If a class got boring, I stopped attending. If the teacher wouldn't listen to what I had to say, I'd bow out. If there were other students in the class that I thought were morons, I'd tell them so, proclaim that they were wasting my time and money and then march out of the classroom and never return.

Basically, I was a shithead looking for any opportunity to not have to put up with work that I didn't feel like doing.

Funny thing is, I never minded working. I wanted to work when I was in high school but my mom refused to let me and insisted that I concentrate on school. Then, right before investing thousands of dollars, insisted that I get a job so that I could pay for my gas and insurance that I was going to need while driving to school. Smart move, mom.

I went to work at a video rental store and loved it. I had worked as a candy striper in the local hospital over the summers when I was in high school (I actually still have so many hours of "community service" on record that I keep wanting to get busted for something just so I can say "Here you go," to the judge and walk out of the courtroom with a big ass grin on my face) and learned the joys of filing. Apparently you don't have to be near sickly old people when you volunteer. Many of us got to work in the office settings. One summer I working in receiving (where non-medicinal supplies were ordered) and the other summer I worked in the credit union. So by the time that I got my first paying job, that was something that I knew how to do.

I would organize the catalog movies (those older ones that people rent when nothing new is in stock) by perfect alphabetical order and then lose my shit like an OCD patient gone wild when something was out of place. When I became an assistant manager, I would look up the accounts of assholes that I didn't like and assign late fees to their accounts that they'd never racked up. I also was able to order porn over the phone and delight in having people lose their shit when they would overhear me asking for a shipment to be "double packed, please."

I would have worked there forever if they hadn't gone out of business. I didn't mind that I didn't have a lot of money as long as I was able to hang out with my friends and buy smokes. I didn't have to pay to watch movies (although I frequently would still go to the theater) so that satisfied one of my biggest expenses. Hell, if I didn't have Midget now, that would be one of the first jobs that I would seek out. Although there are days that I doubt that simply because most video rental places are all asshole chains now that make you get drug tested. (Excuse me, but why are we drug testing video store clerks? Don't we kind of EXPECT them to be stoned when we go into the store? Isn't that the fun of it?)

What was my point? Ah, that's right. I love being directionless.

There was a point when I thought I wanted to be a teacher. With our school systems the way they are now, any desire that I once had in trying to shape the minds of young ones has vanished. Teachers don't have the freedom to teach anymore. They babysit and they explain how to take tests. They try not to fail the parents' precious asshole child and then they go home and wonder why it was that they spent all that time and money getting educated for in the first place. I can't believe our government really hasn't grasped why there is a deficit of young people going into teaching these days. Idiots.

If I could sit around all day long and do nothing but read, watch movies, play video games, drink too much soda, occasionally indulge in the durka and then write about it all and hand it off to someone else who does the hard work of getting it to the people, I'd be a damn happy camper. I know that my current job isn't a great deal of stress, but dammit! I have to get up early and actually leave the damn house! Where's the fun in that?

One of these days I'd like to do a lot of things. I just want to stumble into them. But the big difference between me and some of the other people in the world who feel entitled to certain things is that if I never stumble into them, I'd still be cool with that. Because to care otherwise would take effort. And I'm just not down for that much effort.


sweetangeldeluxe's picture

My Dream Job..

Maybe an editor. I'd get to read all the new books before anyone else. Plus, I get to correct their typo's, and any other mistakes, while getting paid. That would be a fabulous job. I love to correct people. It makes me feel smart. I've been told thousands of times that I'm too critical...hmmm, something to think about.

When I grow up

I wanna be lazy and do nothing at all....and make beaucoup (sp?) bucks doing it! :o)


elsantogordo's picture

Movies movies movies!

"Hey... it's a kind of magic." - I pinched the line from "Highlander" with Christopher Lambert & Sean Connery. I love movies and reading & would find myself in the same place if I hadn't gone into so many different sales jobs. I am trying to find a place with my personal stories and art so the heart of the dreamer still lives in me as I reach a little closer to my teaching degree and the hopes of having a house where I can let my dogs run wild and move as they please. And I hope you don't mind that I followed you like a stalker (bad word but the best one as fanatic still sounds weak!) chasing his prey. I aim to constantly write and comment here, and hope that your dreams come true. Maybe in seeing yours' rise I will help mine come to life also.

Take care & much love!



"There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and Not doing it." --don't know who wrote that but thought it fit your topic and I find it to be very true also.

AmandaO's picture

Your idea of a vacation

Your idea of a vacation matches mine. Every year I strive to get sandy, sunburnt, and slightly more fat. And catch up on my reading. I am proud to say I always do.

zara's picture

"...sandy, sunburnt and

"...sandy, sunburnt and slightly more fat."

Yep, that's perfect.

kiki's picture

Yeah, minus the rubbing

Yeah, minus the rubbing one(or a few) out, you just described my ideal day.

I like to stock up, I'll make a bunch of food, snack food and whatnot, set it next to my bed, and veg.

I read a lot. Mmmm, it's fantastic.

Gina the Ninja BAMF's picture

"and then masturbated myself

"and then masturbated myself into naptime." I absolutely loved that part.

And sometimes, I feel like a very slothful person myself. If I could get paid to sit on my ass all the time and do nothing but listen to music and play on the interweb thingy, I'd do it, and I'd be best qualified in my state.

....I love cheesecake more, though. :P


I agree.

I agree. There's nothing worse than waking up and thinking it would be great to sleep in and laze around, but can't because of some obligation.It's even more frustrating when that little voice inside your head makes you feel guilty about it when you do.

Heather the Angel's picture

Ahhh. If only it were that easy. I don't want a schedule...

It seems I'm always rushing here. So I can turn around and rush over there. Only to get there... late...
When I have one of those rare times off... I want nothing to do with a schedule. I don't want to rush. I don't want to stress... If the party starts at 7, I am perfectly fine getting dressed at a leisurely pace and then sitting down for some durka before I arrive at oh... 9ish. It's not like the party will be over when I get there. Hell, it STARTS when I get there. ;p Don't stress me out man. I'll get there when I get there, if'n I wanna get there!
If I could get paid to draw, and paint, and sculpt and write and take pics and..... stuff.... Life would be grand.
I feel ya babe.

Yvonne's picture

I'm totally with you there

I'm totally with you there on the whole 'no itinerary' vacation thing. I've never liked to rush through things. They'll still be there when I finally get around to them.

One of my last ventures out of state consisted of me going to Savannah to see my now almost ex-husband. He actually got upset when I was reading a book on the beach. Hey, I like to read. You knew that when I married you. But anyway...

You are right on about that teacher analogy. Funny this is, I'm a teacher.


It's so nice to go to a website that actually WORKS. Freaking Myspace drives me nuts.

I'd comment on your blog....but I'm too lazy.


*DITTO* what Gordon says

*DITTO* what Gordon says...all of it.

Laziness Personified

I plan my vacations exactly as you do. What's a vacation if there's a full itinerary of obligations to be fulfilled? Just gimme a list of places to see and things to do and I'll get to the ones I want in due time.

My favorite vacation ever was spent in Italy, and spent just this way. Rome for 3 days, I saw just about everything anyone would want, and on my timetable, no rush. 3 days down the coast to Sicily, stopping at towns that looked interesting (and they were; though I insisted I get to the Isle of Capri and was glad I made the special effort, as well as Pompeii.)

4 days cruising all around Sicily, stopping at delis to pick up meat, cheese, and breads for lunch on random beaches, sampling delectible desserts at little shops, seeing ancient ruins that were in far better shape than those in Rome, a lovely time.

It culminated with 3 days in Partinico with distant (4th cousin) relatives we found by seaching online databases--my true roots, right there all along. Good times. I read two books along the way as well.

Hell, I should have written my own blog for the length of this comment!

Lisa The Great's picture

I miss Europe......The best

I miss Europe......The best thing about living in the UK was that it was so close to France, Italy and Spain. I have spent many summers camping in the South of France and Spain and just spending my time chilling out on a quiet little beach or sitting in a cafe annoying french waiters with my fluent french spoken with a Northern English accent.

I need a vacation the temp is -45 here.

Love my jammies!

Right with you on this one....I spent all day in my pajamas yesterday waiting out the Midwest ice storm! Thank goodness we weren't one of the unlucky ones to have lost power! I had that lovely misfortune while I was pregnant 5 years ago!

shollere's picture

Blog fix

I'm just getting my bearings here. I just read laziness personified and I don't see any other comments. So... I hope I'm in the right place.

Good blog. I can definitely relate. I enjoy having an unstructured day. I haven't worn a watch since my retirement 3 years ago. I don't really mind appointments and such... but I prefer free-wheeling as much as possible! Get there when I get there. :) That's more typical of an Asian type culture...maybe they're on to something there.

Other sites you should visit: Wear Funny Quotes!