Sometimes You Just Gotta Laugh to Keep From Going Insane
*Sigh*
I woke up today with that really shitty feeling. That one where everything rubs you the wrong way. The way people talk, the way you get stuck in traffic, the way Myspazz has become this all encompassingly necessity that slowly is driving me insane.
Not too long ago I made a friend that I managed to lose in record time, and the main complaint of his was that I was "never" positive. I take offense to that. I am positive. I fucking WORK MY ASS OFF at being positive. It is key to my survival in my profession. But after weeks of overlooking people's preposterous natures to be dickheads that insist on YOU pleasing them... well, yeah, I break down. There's only so much I can ignore.
This whole blogging thing is interesting because there are a good number of people who seem to think I am a good writer. Then there are the people who cannot differentiate between me being a writer and what I'm writing being a naked example of who I am. This works on both sides of the spectrum: Some people think that I am destined to be their best friend or next ex-girlfriend or (bob help me) they actually think that I'm "the one." All based on my writing. *shaking head* I don't know what to think about that. I've been victim to it myself, so I can't get all that bent out of shape about it.
Then there are the people that are insufferable assholes. People who derive such pleasure from their misery that they think they need to share it with others. I wrote the last two blogs to be fun. Tongue in cheek with a sprinkle of reality. Since I have my blogs set at comment approval, I received an e-mail from some douche who decided to take what I said seriously and write a counterlist, insulting me as a person. I've had a few of these. Most I've printed. But this one was filled with such noxious hostility it was pathetic. That's a mother that I want to go beat the fuck out of. How can you raise a boy to grow up and be such deplorable human being. (For those of you who think I am being judgemental here - FUCK YOU - you didn't see what he sent me. And don't ask. I fucking DETEST people who love to wallow in bullshit like that. You are the same assholes that cause traffic jams because you've just GOT to see who got hurt and how badly.)
So that got me a little creeped out. I can handle the multiple e-mails containing sexual invites and explicit suggestions. Whatever. But to read what I write and assume that you've got me all figured out? Allow me to play the "You don't know shit about me and you never will" card. Ask my friends. As much as I tell them, as open as I am with them.... they'll tell you they've still got no clue what makes me tick. Fuck... ask my MOM. I can tell her anything.
Oh... and I'm not one of those people who says shit like "Well, there's some things I'm not telling you." The whole "Oh, that's better left unsaid," bullshit. If it's better left unsaid, you won't even hear me give the little teaser nugget. You'll just never find out. I've been through so many different cycles in my life, I feel like one of those 200 year old turtles. Baby, I've been around. And no, that's not a sexual reference for once.
It's fucking sensory overload on days like this. Strangely, one of the only things that will get me to focus is to stick earbuds in my ears and bliss out on music turned up so high I'm sure to blow out my hearing, but sufficiently block out all surrounding noise. Today I had to rotate Natasha Bedingfield's song "Stumble." It's got a more positive message at the heart of it, but it basically fit my mood.
"I'm not the kind of girl you bring to mother
I'm not the kind of girl you kiss in public
My manners leave a lot to be desired
At least I'm not a liar
And I'm not about the subtle innuendo
More likely to throw rocks up at your window
Or walk on eggshells so you don't hear
the crazy things I'm saying when you get near me
I'd rather disappear than be faking it, anyway."
But no matter what I show you.... No matter how much I let you in.... It's not the whole of me.
I'm only 50ownloaded. And my life is fucking dial-up. So deal or go get yourself one of those DSL girls. Those bitches come fast and easy.