There's Not Enough Sugar in All the World
I try not to be bitter. Most of the time I don't bother to think about it, I just carry on with my life and do what needs to get done. I'm too busy to bother being bitter.
But let me tell you, it gets rough sometimes.
I'm referring to Midget's father and his non-involvement in her life. I'm actually OK with him not being around. The very sight of him makes me sick to my stomach, even when looking at pictures. It's even harder when I look at her face and see him staring back at me. Granted, she's a beautiful child and there's less and less of him showing in her face with each passing year as she matures, but she'll always have those ears of his. Those stupid ears which aren't huge but they curve out from her head, sticking out and taunting me.
Out of everything though, what really gets me is that he's been asking to see her. He acts as if he's a part of her life, as if he has something to contribute and that I should just roll over and allow him his position as her father. It's cliched of me to say that he's nothing but a sperm donor, that's become the ugly fall-back comment that other jilted mothers use. I just prefer to pretend that he doesn't exist.
I don't feel that he has a right to visit her, or in any way try to contact her and tell her that he's her father. When you don't act paternal where it counts, then you don't get to play paternal. I don't receive any money from him. I haven't filed any claims asking for money. I don't do that shrill bullshit that women do, claiming that they want their child to "know their father!!" I just provide the attention, both physical and financial, that she deserves. I do it with help from my family, even though we're all at wit's end right now after having all 6 of us in the same house for the last 2 years.
What really bothers me though, is that there are women who date guys who are fathers. I lived by a quiet rule my entire dating career, promising myself that I would never be the girlfriend to a guy who already had kids. I didn't like the idea that he'd be tethered to another woman, not because I thought that it meant I would get less attention from him but because it disturbed me that he would be giving less attention to his child. That if we went to a movie or out for dinner that that would be less money that he could've (and should've) been spending on his kid.
Women have been giving up their personal time, their privacy, their money, all of what makes us happy and sane for years once we have children. Even if we receive the alloted child support that a court assigns us, there is still so much more that we have to worry about as mothers. We get judged at every turn by every member of society, from those who want to support us to those who want to tell us that we should have just stuck with our men. Being a mother, even if you're married to a loving man who gives you everything you need, is a job that NO ONE truly understands until you're knee-deep in the shit that comes along with it.
We're also expected to be understanding and allow our children to go visit the other half of their DNA or we're cold hearted bitches who are keeping the children away from their fathers. We're unreasonable for not just rolling over and letting people walk all over us. We're only looking out for what's personally comfortable for ourselves.
Yeah, right. If that were the case, we'd all go in and get sterilized the minute we became capable of bearing children.
I don't need my ex to be involved in my daughter's life. I don't need his time, his money or anything else. But if he's going to try and see her, try to lay claim to her, then I want to be compensated. Not just for the present, but for all the years leading up to this point. For everything, not just the money. Either you're in or you're out. I had to make that decision, so should he.
Being a parent is not a revolving door situation. And I don't think I should have to deal with him unless he's willing to pay up. Sounds cold, but I've gone without for a very long time.
He can smile with his woman in pictures, out spending money on their good time, when he pays up. He may NOT do those things and then call me and ask to see my daughter. He may NOT make demands of MY time if he's unwilling to do the same. I don't operate on my own time frame. I owe my time to work, to family, to my child. I do NOT owe it to him.
And as for the woman who would be willing to be with him... as for the women out there who date men who are fathers... shame on you. Unless you have proof that he's spending time with his child like he should, doing half the work and paying half the fees, being the man that he signed up to be the minute that he made a baby with someone, what you're doing by being with him is taking from that child out there. Shame on you. And double shame on you if you EVER speak even ONE ill word about the mother of that child.
To whomever she is, I hope you enjoy getting your rent paid. I hope you enjoy your bed, your four walls, your private time and personal time and your privacy. I hope you enjoy all of it. Now tell him to enjoy it with you and leave me the fuck alone. According to him, you've been pressuring him to call me, get after me, telling him that I'm wrong for not letting him see his child.
Shame on you.
Comments
As I read along I could nod
As I read along I could nod my head and agree that, yep, this is exactly what im going through. I left my husband last November because, really, I got tired of giving 100% and receiving nothing in return. We had married young; we had met while going to mos school in the marine corps and married soon after. We have 3 little boys together who are 3 yrs old, 2 yrs old, and 17 months old.
After putting up with his neglectfulness (he's an avid online gamer) and his verbal abusiveness, and laziness and yadda yadda yadda, the list could go on forever, (think irresponsible teenager)...I decided to take the big leap and just leave his ass. I moved back to Texas where I now live with my mom and dad. I had threatened to leave thousands of times before but it took his own family to finally convince me that he was never going to change and that I couldnt keep yo-yoing my decisions. I was deathly afraid at first. He once told me that "You could NEVER live without me". I have proved him wrong every day since then.
I work as a waitress at a bar 5 nights a week where I get home by 4 each morning (I cant afford to put the kiddos in daycare to work during the day). I wake up to turn around and go to school Mon through Thurs. I spend my waking periods between job and school, taking care of my children or studying. My major is licensed vocational nursing. He has one job that pays him three times as much as i do and spends his free time with his girlfriend, partying, or more likely, sleeping. He used to send me support payments every pay day but that all stopped this may when he decided there were more important things to spend his money on than his children. I give my mother money to help with expenses while i live with her. I also buy groceries. He still lives with his parents and has no bills other than a phone and insurance for the crotch rocket he bought from his dad. No other bills. When I asked him for some money recently he told me that we werent legally seperated and that he owed me nothing. I guess he owes nothing to his children either.
I filed for divorce last week and am representing myself in court ( a little scary). In the past year the children had not received birthday or christmas presents, and not even a phone call on those important days. His excuse? He just couldnt handle it. I begged him to call them or come see them. I would let him. Still no sign of him. His excuse was that he couldnt afford the time or the money. So I gave up on trying to include him and I no longer feel guilt or pity for him missing out on the beautiful lives of our children. Instead it made me realize that I really am doing this all by myself. I am the mother and the father and my parents are such excellent grandparents. I couldnt have done this without them. In order for him to sign the divorce papers and agree to it(I want this done and over with fast), I filed for full custody without child support. I dont want him to have any say with how my children are raised!! He's still allowed visitation though ...its doubtful he'll use them anyway. What irks me is that he's all about talking about "his boys" and will claim them to his friends but not take any part in being their father. Its not fair that he gets to do that, he never earned that right. I put alot of time and energy and love into my children and he gets to sit back and watch and still have his claim. Its funny, though, how his phone calls became daily AFTER I notified him that I would not be requesting child support.
Like my father says...he's missing out. When they grow to be men they'll know who was there for them. When he's old and lonely he'll realize his mistake but by then it'll be too late. The damage would be done. He can take his time and money and shove it. Ive proved that I dont need it. I havent needed it. I've got everything I need. And though times are hard now, in the end my children and I will come out on top.
fathers
My dad wasn't around after I was about 4. This might have something to do with the fact that we moved around so much I barely was able to keep track. Anyways, he had the chance to contact me, and didn't. His loss.
I was recently in a relationship with a man that had two children. Now, things were fairly serious between him and I, but for some reason I was terrified to meet his kids. I don't have any child phobias, nor did I not want to be a part of their lives, I love kids! (I think it had more to do with the fact that I didn't want to be "the other woman" in their lives.)
Anyways, the man I was dating is very involved with them. He calls several times a week. He had them come out to our house a few weekends a month. (I avoided the house like the plague during those weekends.)
The point is, he is involved.
Unlike my own father.
The juxtaposition between the two has definitly been the topic of many conversations.
I totally forgot my point.
being the asshole on the other end
Having been the asshole on the other end of this side sort of, I stopped drinking 4 years ago, I do not blame the booze for my actions, however there came a point were it was not healthy for the kids to be near me, yet my ex-wife at the time would not hear about it, she tried to force the kids to come with me, which in the end did more harm then good, because I was a selfish asshole, and would just drink instead of doing Dad stuff with them. I missed a lot of them growing up, not because I was not around but because I was drunk and can not recall most of it. After awhile I ended up homeless, the only bill I paid was my child support barely, however out of fear of going to jail or fear of losing my lic. I some how found a way to get that in. 1650.00 per month 2 kids. She got remarried about the same time I got sober, for a year before that I had lost contact with both the kids and my family, I was living in the woods or any place I could lay down. Now today I have a decent relationship with both of my kids, any time they want to do something or go some place they call, or if I have not heard from them in 2 days I call them. It's funny because I never ever hide the fact what I was. I speak with the kids about when ever they wish to talk about it. If they ask I answer. My ex planted a lot of hate in the kids, and they saw that she was hurt by me, and thats why she said what she said.
Now if I had been away longer then maybe the kids would hate me. However since I am being the best parent I know how, (yes it's a learning thing) I hope the kids are happy, and healthy.
Now I am not saying things are great, there are times when one of the kids get mad about something I missed, due to my drinking, but we always talk about it.
What bothers me, and I have no right to be mad at her, was she was leaving the kids with me, when I was drunk. I know I was the one drinking but what sane Mother or Parent would leave there kids with someone who's drunk? To this day that bothers me, however I do not or try not to judge her, since I was the asshole. Now I am still an asshole but not to my children.
Being a parent btw is full time regardless if they live with you full time or not. My schedule revolves around there games, school and friends. My ex actually laughed at me the other day saying that I work harder then she every did with the kids, since its a 25 min. drive to her house, I spend about a ton of time on the road.
Do I date? sure when there is time, if the kids don't have something going on, like that ever happens. :)
I would not change the relationship I have with my kids now for all the money in the world.
There is no way that I can find fault, in the way you feel, the big reason for that is, if he is using, and around folks that you do not know, and have know clue how they are.(well I am sure you have a clue and don't want midget around those types). The only type of visits he should get are supervised and he should be the one to do all the work, not you, not his girlfriend, him. He needs to check with you, check with the place if you go through the state, check with midget, lastly if he does not show up once, thats it. Thats not fair to midget.
Single parents get all of my respect. Having to be both parents is not easy, I did it for 2 weeks while my ex went away with her new hubby and those were the longest 2 weeks of my life, hell week was easier, never had I been so tired.
First, thanks for sharing
First, thanks for sharing your side of things. I love to hear all perspectives.
As for my ex, everything in his life is someone else's fault. It started with his mother, a woman who has some medical issues and was turned into needy, dependent individual by his grandmother. However, his grandmother is also a loon. His mother does things like bitch that his grandmother won't give her money to buy a new car. She says things like, "I'm a very dependent person, but it's all my mother's fault that I'm like this."
Basically, his entire family is a pass the buck lot. Nothing they do is ever because they themselves are assholes. They're assholes because someone else in their life didn't bend over backwards to do all the hard work for them. And the minute that things get rough, they turn on you and make everything YOUR fault.
It will forever be a situation of, "I didn't see her because you would have never let me," (never mind the fact that he never TRIED to come see her, that he's never initiated contact, it was always me doing that) or "I don't want to come around your family because you've made them hate me." Um, yeah... right. As if I would have to try to do that.
Paul once said that a man should "chew glass" if he wants to be in his child's life. This will never be the case with Midget's PGC. He has a new life, has had several women that have been more important to him than my daughter, flaunts that he doesn't pay child support and yet claims that he has some right to see her - not meet me somewhere to see her. He called me on his birthday last year and DEMANDED that I bring her to see him at his work, saying that he wanted to see her but couldn't get away, so I was going to "have to" bring her to him. When I explained that it was Saturday, my day off and the day that I take her to ballet class and spend the afternoon with her, he screamed "Fine then, you fucking selfish bitch!" and hung up. (This had been the first time in 4 months that he'd contacted me about seeing her, and I didn't hear from him again until this past February, another 5 months later.)
Yet the following month when it was her birthday, she received no card or present from him. This is the kind of shit that I deal with when I have to deal with him.
So I made myself a promise that I wouldn't be initiating any contact with him, ever. I don't see it as me keeping her from him, or me trying to hide her from him. I just don't think that I need to be responsible for that, especially since she doesn't ask about him and in no way shows that she misses his presence in any capacity. If he wanted to see her and try to be a figure in her life, as long as he followed my guidelines (in place for HER safety and NOT my convenience), I would consider it.
What was your turning point?
What was your turning point? What made you want to change your ways?
For me?
Strange one day I woke up and said enough is enough, you can live or die, but this ain't living. Now I am not a holly roller, nor do I preach AA. I used AA for what it was there for. To get me sober and give me a starting place. I seldom go to a meeting now, almost a year since they last time I went. Not because I think I am better, I was lucky that the guy who walked me through the steps, also should me that AA is not to be made a social club, which most folks need or seem to think they do. God got me through the hard parts as funny as that looks to me writing it. However that's the only way I can explain it.
I love my kids, I had the worlds Greatest Dad growing up, and there I was being a shit head, drunk asshole. ashamed to be even seen by anyone at the end of my drinking.
I guess everyones drinking and drugging is different, but anyone can stop if they want too. All the have to do is get sober, and look around them. To see if the want to except life as is, or through the haze of whatever drug they pick.
Now its kids, my family, then me, and whatever else happens its going to be a good day.
Whats funny is that once I was sober, the first thing I wanted to do was see my kids, which was the last thing I needed to
do. It takes awhile to build up trust, not only with my kids but my ex as well. That by far was the hardest thing I have ever done.
Waiting for them to start to trust me. Because of course I am perfect sober or drunk. jk.
My simple advice to anyone who happens to be on either side of something like this, is simple. The Mother rules, no if's or and's about it. Don't like the rules she lays down? Deal with it for awhile, show you mean it, and after a year or so, she does not lighten up then think, key work think about taking her to court. The reason I say think, is because while she may not tell the kids thats whats going on, it does affect them, since any thing that upset her, or takes money out of her pocket affects the kids. Keep in mind I am only talking about those involved in drugs/alcohol relationships, divorce, break ups, etc.
I think this may be the
I think this may be the first time I really disagreed with something you wrote...and its something so close to home for me.
I know your situation from 2 sides.
1. Being a single mom that struggled to pay my bills, while the father of my child disappeared to "go figure out his life". Then reappear and just assume that he should be able to be a part of MY son’s life whenever his heart wanted.
2. And being the daughter of a Father that @ the age of 5 left me. Then reappeared when I was 20 wanting to become a part of my life 15 years later. And when I did finally let him back in, I found out that because he owed my mom almost $20,000 in back child support she didn’t allow him to be a part of my life.
Today I have a wonderful relationship with both my sons father and my own father. Two men that at one time in my life I couldn’t even bear to look in the eye because of the disgust, hurt and ill feelings.
I believe you are a superb mother Zara, I would never dream of saying otherwise. But, in all honesty I think you are being really selfish. This situation isn’t just about your feelings. Just think about it. He may have really fucked up but he is trying to do differently now right. Ever hear this – “Whoever is without sin cast the first stone.”
Peace Love & many Smiles...Dawn
For all that I write, I
For all that I write, I leave out a great deal as well.
I'm a kid made from an absent PGC who was thankfully raised (and reared, in the financial sense) by a wonderful step-father. My mother never denied my PGC access to me, she just asked the courts that his visitation be limited and supervised. He never took advantage of it. He also was supposed to pay a stupidly low amount of money (something like $50 a month) that he never paid. However, this wouldn't have kept my mom from allowing him to see me if he'd made the movements to do so.
In the beginning, this was the case with Midget's father. The door was always open, regardless of the money owed, the situation, how long, whens and hows. I used to think that I wanted her to know him, that it would all be normal. But circumstances just didn't play out right and I have two fears: that if he ever did pick her up to take her with him, I might never see or hear from him again, and the people that he currently holds company with aren't the kind that are safe for her to be around.
I will not have a bizarre and unstable influence around her right now. It's not good for her, even if that paints me as being selfish. It's more detrimental that she sees him, sees what he's like and then he disappears again (and that's hoping for the best). I don't want to end up with that teen girl who is willing to do anything for love, bend over backwards and allow someone to hurt her time and again in an attempt to keep them in her life.
My point was that if he's going to be disruptive and demand rights then he needs to follow through on his end of the bargain. Pay his dues, prove that he's not on drugs, stop doing things like hiding the money that he makes so, and I quote: "You can't get anything from me."
And I absolutely will NOT tolerate some woman that he's snookered into thinking that he's the victim telling him that I'm a monster for not allowing him to be an upsetting whirlwind to my thriving and normal child. (The woman he is currently with, for the sake of the argument, has three kids that were all removed from her home by CPS. Yeah... mind your own business, lady... yannow?)
My door isn't completely closed. I'm not barring him from seeing her, I'm just saying that he needs to live up to some guidelines. And in the end, the choice is hers and I won't be angry or resentful of her, no matter what decision she makes.
I always say that we can't be sunshine and kittens all the time.
I absolutely agree with you. I'm not certain that woman or men shouldn't date anyone who has kids, because single parents need lovin' too, but I'm with you when someone wants to be on that revolving door game bullshit instead of being a real parent. I know I probably can't weigh in on this one too much considering I don't have children, but I do know what it's like to have a dad that was on that revolving door schedule and I think it hurts more to know a dad like that, than it does when you simply don't have one in your life at all. Of course it's ideal to have both parents, but that doesn't always work...you know that better than anyone. You're an awesome mother and you absolutely don't owe him or his girlfriend a damn thing! ((Big Hugs))
xxxoooxxx
Misty
By the same token, a man
By the same token, a man should also never date a woman with kids, right?
You know I am totally with you on everything else. But that part I don't like. I happen to be fully capable of being a proper father to my daughter even though I am dating.
My stipulation was: "unless
My stipulation was: "unless you have proof," of which you always provide an amplitude of. Otherwise, I say hands off until he's finished his homework.
And no, a man shouldn't date a mother if she would choose to put him before her children. My daughter will always be first and I have always been upfront with anyone who showed interest.
Men shouldn't be allowed to
Men shouldn't be allowed to come and leave a childs life at their whim. I say fuck that shit. I've worked hard to be an integral part of my childs life it's not easy, but she's worth it. There are times when it would be simple just to walk away because of all the issues with her mother, but I can't. I can't walk away from the love of my life. She's the reason I get up in the morning. She's the reason I strive to do more with my life. She's what drives me. What I want most in this world is to make sure that she's happy, and cared for and protected, but also I want her to be proud. I want her to be proud that I'm her dad. I want her to know that she's the best part of my life.
I have seen exactly what you are talking about
these past two weeks with one of my closest friends here. She left him because he was an abuser and a coke addict. She did everything to make it possible for her girls to see their father, even paying for the expenses and driving 5 hours to where he lives. Two weeks ago, she found he had been molesting both girls. A leopard never changes their spots, or however the saying goes, reads true more often then not. You not letting him see Midget isn't a bad thing, esp based on things you have shared with me about him and your past. Go with your mother's intuition - I've found it's always right!
On the flip side, my mother kept me from my dad and my stepmom was the one who pushed him to keep trying. SO, their are women out their who actually do look for the best interest of children who aren't their own. My stepmother has been good to me, much better than my mother ever was.
Lesley from Minnesota :)
I couldn't agree more.
While not *exactly* the same, your story and mine share a helluva lot of similarities. In a nutshell: My ex (technically still me husband) and I had a son almost 8 years ago, got married a year & 1/2 later, found out he had cheated on me with my "best friend" as well as my cousin and some other assorted local hussies, split up, he begged and pleaded and "changed his ways" so I took him back, got pregnant with our second son, more cheating whilst I was on maternity leave, more splitting up followed by my taking him back again out of desperation when trying to raise 2 kids, one an infant, on a child care worker's salary. Turns out that along with the infidelity, he was also an alcoholic and addict. I finally made the final break about 2 1/2 years ago. I have always been one of those women who wanted my boys to "know their father", the woman who time after time gave the "man" the benefit of the doubt; I bent over backwards to take our children to rehabs and half-way houses an hour or better drives away to see him. What do I get in return? He moves to fucking Florida with a 22 year old and knocks her up almost immediately (Oh, did I mention he also has 2 other kids that he has nothing to do with?) He never calls, prefering that the kids only call from his mother's ahouse to avoid the inconvenience of dealing with me. But still he proclaims his adoration for my two precious sons. Well, you know what? fuck him! I'm fucking sick and fucking tired of letting him get what he wants all of his goddamn life. Like you said, being a parent is NOT a revolving door situation. I want him in it, or fucking OUT (I'd prefer that option). I want a divorce and I want him to sign off his rights....I've got nothing to lose but the thorn in my side. and I'd tell him that too...if he'd answer his fucking phone. Coward.
Be Careful
We all have to damn near do background checks on the people we let into our lives. Especially if you breed with them.
However, if you get caught, and it reads as if you did, then we must learn to deal with that situation.
Two things my mom did that I respect her greatly for are:
1. She never spoke ill of my father. She let his actions or inactions speak for themselves.
2. She did what ever it took to take care of her kids. There were many nights we all went to bed hungry. What we learned was you can do it on your own. You dont have to have someone else to make it better. Sometimes you just have to wade through the shit storm to make it happen.
You certainly have a hard row to hoe. Please dont make it harder on your kids by pushing your hatred of thier father on to them. There will come a time in their lives when they will want to leave you for him. Even if they dont know him. It isnt pesonal, it just is the natrual yernings of boys for their father. Trust me! I am of a generation of men raised without fathers.
thanks for your input
I totally hear where you are coming from.
1. I have tried my damndest to not talk shit about him, but I also don't believe in lying to my kids, so when they ask why he never comes to see them anymore, or why he never calls, or why he doesn't love them enough to want to live closer by, what do I say to that?? I've gotten way sick of trying to talk in circles to make some sort of excuses for him.
2. I know this now. 4 years ago with a new baby, a pre-schooler and post-partum Depression, I didn't.
I certainly don't push my hatred of him onto them, on the contrary I was commenting how hard I've tried to allow him a part of their lives, and how hard it feels to me that he's pushed back, and how now I am just so exhausted from the effort. My folks split when I was 11, my dad cheating on my mom with a woman 11 yrs his junior. My mom was PISSED, and it was pretty ugly for a long time, and just as you mentioned, as teens my brother and I both chose to live with him for a time. I'm happy to report that nowadays all is reasonably good on the homefront, I have close relationships with my mom and dad. In my opinion he finally grew up around age 45 or so...he's a good dad and a fantastic grandpa...so I spose there is still hope for my boys' father.
Good to read
I am glad things have turned around for you.
I dont think you should lie to your kids. Just reassure them how great they are, and that they are worthy of his attention. The inevitabel question is "well then why doesnt he give it".....I dont know, is all I can come up with for that question....without totally dogging the dad....Nobody said it would be easy.
And yes, there is always hope. As long as everyone is still here we can hope....Good luck to you and yours............Joe
Okay...
At the beginning of this post, I disagreed with what you were saying how Midgets dad has no right to see her, and you have every right to keep her away from him, as do all mothers in the situation. Well... no, you're wrong. Sorry, but if a child is someone's blood, they have every right. Every parent has rights to see their kids.
But.....
Then you point out that they can't pick and choose when he wants to be a father. And now I get it.
If you want to be a father, you be a father. You provide for your kid, you be there for them. You don't come in half way through and then decide you want to stroll in when all the work is done. It's like going out for dinner with your boyfriend, and he announcing he doesn't want any food, so you buy your own meal, and then he decides he wants to eat it all. Ah, hang on a tick. You didn't pay for this, so fuck off!
I disagree with the dad dating thing. It's not plausible to expect a man with a child to never date, just as it isn't reasonable to expect a mother never to date. However, I'm in the same page with you, I would feel uncomfortable dating someone who had children, because I would want to be my boyfriend's number one priority (selfish, I know) and if he has a child, that should would, and should be the priority over me, which I simply couldn't handle.
At the end of the day, you probably don't want your ex to be involved with Midget, because you probably feel that she is having a good upbringing the way things are, yet, if the ex wants to push it, he does have a legal right to his child. Just keep that in mind.
Giorgina Angela
The man's side of things
You are coming down hard pretty hard here. Remember that there is always a second side to every tale. Well, in your case maybe not, but often there is. Just remember that there are men out there that after several years they realize just what a jackass they have been. They honestly want to become a real father to their child. People do change and mature. I hate when I see someone punished for something stupid they did when they were young.
Also, there are men out there who ended up with a woman just as fucked up as Midget's father. They have every right to be able to go out and date again. Yes, the kids should come first. You cannot lavish every penny and every waking moment on a child though. If he isn't spending enough time and money on the child then you are right, shame on them. But, don't start off with saying shame on them and only after that qualifying when it is acceptable.
Judging from what I've read on your story in the past though you have a right to be bitter. It seems to me that he is just trying to see Midget to make his new girl happy. That is just low. He shouldn't even consider using Midget like that. Just try not to take your anger out on all men.
- Evil Eye
PS Greetings from my new home in Baghdad and sorry I've been away.
Bitter?
I usually come down to what is best for the child in these situations.
I guess the first thing is, is there a paper trail? Birth certificate etc... If so, then depending on how bad the other women wants to play house every other weekend you may be pushed to that. Ultimately she is just testing him to see what kind of dad he would be to her kids even though it is obvious. Is it not? If HE really wanted to be in Midgets life, he would be. He would want to do the things to be a better person so he could be in her life. I dont know him, or you, but it is a very common story....sorry...
It's a funny thing, you can watch Maury and see these women getting DNA tests on slack jawed mouth breathers to prove they are the fathers. I always have to wonder why. Why would you want to subject your kids to these butt reaming ass holes. Isnt your first responsibility to protect your child?
My heart breaks for Midget. I grew up without a father or even a decent male role model. I have seen through my sisters what that does to little girls. It is tough. No matter how great you are, you cant be a dad. Just be ready for the questions, the hurt, the indecision, the anger, and every other emotion that comes up when she wonders why she isnt good enough to be loved by her dad. It's coming I assure you.
I will leave you with this peice of advice. Never speak ill of her father. NEVER! She is half him, dont make her pay for that.