What the Hell Did You Just Say?

zara's picture

"Hit me back."

I fucking LOATHE this phrase and any other variation of it. I was being kind and included capitalization and punctuation when I quoted the most commonly seen phrase in my inbox messages. I see this so often that I want to reach through my computer screen and scream:

"Wouldn't you have had to hit me first in order for me to smack your ass back?!?!?"

Yes, I realize that the statement is referring to me "getting back to" the person who wrote the message. They want me to return their e-mail. Why not say "Write me back"? Is that just too difficult? Is it not couth to be polite? Does everything we have to say these days pertain to some form of violence?

I dream of moving to the UK. (England, for those of you whose geography is even more poor than my own.) I want to live in the land where English really IS the first language. But more so because I prefer the slang over there.

One of my favorite British terms is "Ace." It refers to something being particularly top-notch.

Or in other words: "Awesome."

I could really imagine myself wandering the streets of Norwich with my fellow Awesome, Robin. Only now, we'd be AceZara and AceRobin. Hmm. OK, so maybe that's a bad example. But I sure do love going to see a great movie and exiting the theater proclaiming: "That was bloody ACE!"

"Bloody" is one of the most commonly recognized British slang terms. The definition of it is supposedly to convey annoyance, a nasty modifier much like when we use the term "fucking" here in the states.

Think: "That bloody jerk stole my money!"

When I researched the history on the term "bloody" I discovered that it was originally meant to be a reference to a woman's period and was once considered to be the most foul thing that you could say to another person. NICE.

The most recent addition to my British slang vocabulary was inspired by Midget. She has a habit of running around and screaming wildly, prompting me to start referring to her as a "nutter." She turned to me in confusion the first time I called her this, asking me what it meant. When I explained that it meant she was a crazy person, she started laughing hysterically and singing: "I'm a nutter! I'm a nutter! If I were toast, I'd be a buttered nutter!!"

So you can see how the term is appropriate.

I've noticed that the British are also more comfortable with using the word "Cunt." In the states, it's one of the last truly taboo terms, and something that I reserve for those women that most others would refer to as a bitch. "Bitch" has lost its intentional meaning for me, since I either needed to embrace it or perish. So I started using "cunt" as a way to make sure that I got someone's attention.

I had an ex who worked with a nasty chick who constantly hit on him and the other male co-workers, showed up late, reeking of beer and frequently hung up on me and the other girlfriends who would call the store. I took to calling her "cuntrag" and shortly afterward everyone else picked it up.

She didn't like me very much.

Yet the British use "cunt" more frequently. Hell, our own Jeffree Star of Myspazz fame refers to himself as "Cunt." I might have to actually start finding another way to insult the nasty females of this world.

I've always been most interested in where terms originated from. Back in high school, I had a book that was a "dirty word" dictionary. Most of the more commonly known profanities were explained. Did you know that the term "fuck" is derived from "firk," a term first seen in a Shakespeare play? Well... now you do.

I've always made up or modified slang to my own liking. Being that I am not a fan of referring to people as "retards" (It's just not fair, especially after you've worked with people are are legitimately retarded. The phrase just doesn't convey as an insult any more.) I changed the term to "Fucktard." It's still equally offensive, but hey! I'm being slightly more PC!

And as we all know... slang should never be about offending people.

Discussion of the Day:

What are some of your favorite or least favorite slang phrases or words?


Eulalie_Cholmondeley's picture

The Dogs Bollocks

you are the dogs bollocks Zara

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