What Turns Me On (Myspazz Rant)

In the last two days, I've discovered something that I never realized was a major turn-on for me.

A Myspace page with no mods.


You see, over the last two and a half days, I've been rifling through the profiles of random Myspacers, looking for people who appeared interested in reading, writing or a good laugh. I made the decision that if I was going to make my blog more publicly accessable, I wanted people reading it that might actually give a damn about what I was writing. So I proceeded to give myself a headache every night, blinking through tears at the seizure-inducing flashing wallpapers, cringing at "About Me" sections that contained nothing but Tinker Bell icons, Brad Pitt photos and surveys answering crucial questions such as: Have you ever skinny dipped?

I just don't understand how someone could spend so much time adding pictures, blinking and flashing crap and cascading words like "princess" and "playa" and not take two fucking minutes to post even one damn sentence about themself. Someone needs to rip the US Weekly out of their hands and give them a newpaper. Hell, even just the comics section. Something with more words than pictures. Has our nation seriously become that fucking illiterate?

Granted, I've come across some profiles that have mods and the person did take some time to consider some interesting text to accompany it. Levvittown Punkass is one of them. But this isn't a blog meant to pimp someone out. (Seriously though, go check him out.) I'm trying to figure out why some people lovingly take the time to consider what words that they would like to represent them, while others think copy-righted images score the most points.

Is that it? Is it that people are just desparately grasping at something familiar to cling to and help drag them into the sea of popularity? Does Tinker Bell really "sell" the girl?

And just as pathetic are the people who try to sound like they don't give a fuck, when, after three paragraphs, you realize that they insanely do. "I hate all you fakers," "Don't add me if I don't know you,""Don't add me if you're not going to talk to me," "This place is full of shit-talkers," etc, etc, etc. People who use screen names like "I'm an asshole," "I'm a dick," or "Fuck all you stuck-up bitches." People who write long lists of Dos and Don'ts for potential friends. People who try painfully hard to show what a bad ass they are, and then have Pretty Woman listed as one of their favorite movies.

I joined Myspace back in February of last year. There were friends of mine that had had their profiles for a decent amount of time at that point, and even they weren't modded to the teeth. I'm not the most computer-savvy person, the best I can eke out is basic HTML code, and I've never figured out how to add pictures and songs to my background. The only reason why I have Hollywood Undead playing on my profile is because it was an option that Myspace came out with. Otherwise I wouldn't even have that. I've changed my profile numerous times over the last 11 months, but my changes have all been in my words. I've changed from the naive beginner's monologue to the cocky sophomore one, to the current one I have, something I like to refer to as: "Oooooo..... look at the tough girl!!" spiel.

My words have always represented me, even if the me changed a few times since my sign-up. I can even admire the other people on here who only have one or two sentences to describe themselves when I can tell that they were from the (no, I'm not that cliche) brain. People who are glancing my profile over as a result of my invite might be thinking that I'm just as full of shit as some of the other people I've previously mentioned. But ask my friends. They'll back me up. I haven't maintained a friends list numbering under 100 from being COMPLETELY full of shit.

Where was I going with this? Wow.... I seriously just took one of my signature long-winded trips down the road of "What the fuck was her point?" Oh, that's right.

Readers.... I pay attention to you guys. I've read your stuff. As my list of readers and my personal subscriptions grows, I might lose the opportunity to comment as much as I'd like. But trust me, I pay attention. And those I invited, I didn't invite for the number. As anal and picky as I am, rest assured that I thought you had something special in you.

So far, there hasn't been a person that's proven me wrong.

*Edit: 1/15: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've got more than 100 friends now. You fuckers are cool, what can I say?*