Whatever Happened to Harmless Flirting?

If you haven't noticed from reading some of my responses to certain readers' comments, I'll say it in clearer terms: I AM A FLIRT.

I enjoy engaging in cheeky comment exchanges, whether that be through e-mail, profile comments, blog comments, text messages, phone conversations or - GASP! - in person. There is nothing that can bring me up out of a foul mood then to receive an x-rated text in the middle of a shitty day.

Intelligent flirtations are the best. Noticing something that a person likes and making mention of it. Turning it around on them in a devious manner, adding hints of sexual perversion. I can weave a suggestive tale with the best of them.

Yet, there are times when I've got a huge machete with which to cut to the chase. When I was in high school, I never understood the habit of talking around things or having your friend do the "dirty" work for you. On that note: have you ever noticed that a lot of the time, those we send in to help us flirt end up taking the person that we were interested in first? Spend all that time sending the messages and then they decide they want that person for themselves. All the more reason to be more direct.

Which I was. If there was a guy that I was interested in, it was more common to hear me walk up and announce it. "I think you're cute," "I think I like you," or "So, have you always played guitar?" (Hey, if you knew my penchant for dating musicians, you'd know that this was the most direct statement of them all.)

So I guess I wonder if that's really flirting. If you're being direct with someone and more or less inviting them either into your life or just into your bed, can it really be called flirting? Or is flirting a series of comments and moves geared toward working the other person up but never following through?

Prime example I suppose would be the night that I got a call from a friend of mine, someone that I regularly flirt with through e-mails, text messages and phone calls. He lives on the other side of the country, so I feel comfortable in these displays of sexual come-hither-ness without worrying that he might be taking them too seriously.

I picked up the phone to hear the first sentence uttered be: "How hard is it to get a cab in Ventura this time of night?"

My heart actually stopped for a second. My friend travels a lot for work and keeps threatening to one day show up on my doorstep and take me up on all of the offers that we've tossed around. I looked down at my "late night writing ensemble" consisting of sweats and a ratty t-shirt and quite nearly pissed myself in fear.

Turns out he was asking because he was frustrated over the lack of cabs in the middle of Miami and was just bitching to me for the sake of bitching. Which made sense when I stopped to think about it. And yet, I had to evaluate if I would really want to take all of the flirting to another level with this guy. While I adore him, the concept of going through with much of what we've talked about gives me great pause for reasons that might give any girl great pause.

Is it not OK to flirt if you're never intending to go through with what you've been talking about while flirting? Hell, I know that I say a lot of things to a good number of people, and while there are a good number that I would love to go the distance with, I also know that the main reason why I'm flirting with them is out of sheer, plain FUN.

I'm a direct person who also loves being indirect. I love doing probably more than I love flirting, but I really do enjoy flirting at this point in my life, when it's far more comfortable for me to just suggest all of the things that I would like to do without having to fret the consequences of the following through.

Shit, did I just "out" myself to all those men who thought that their "UR HOTT" e-mails were getting somewhere with me? Fuck, I might have to move to Canada. I've heard all the Canadians have massive love for me.


Discussion of the Day:

Is there such a thing as "harmless" flirting? Can we flirt and "mean it" without ever following through with the flirtation?