Whoa.... Man

Curious thing has happened to me recently that I haven't yet been able to fully figure out. I'm actually starting to like women.

No, not in the sapphoric sense that some of you might be hoping for. I have never really been a big fan of women because of the standard reasons why men don't like them. The jealousy over stupid shit, the petty natures, the back-stabbing, the gossip. All that crap.

It's not a good thing for me not to like women considering that I am one. (One sec, let me double check.... ok, insertion in two hole. Womanhood is a go...)In fact, many of the things that I say that I hate about women are things that I do myself. The blatant, unfounded insecurities mainly. Hating women just seemed like an easier and more socially acceptable way of saying that I hated myself.

Even though I tell people that for the most part, despite (or perhaps because of) my flaws, I like myself better than the average bear. I'm a good person. I know I'm a good person. If I say it one more time, it officially will become a law. "AwesomeZara is a Good Person Law." Wow, that would be completely unwieldy. And what would be the punishment for the times that it was broken? Could it be broken?

Wow... off-topic, wild tangent much?

I was thinking this the other day when I called up the radio station to talk to the morning DJ, a woman that over the course of the past year plus a month or a few, have grown fond of listening to. I spend a solid hour each morning in my car picking up my guys and have turned into a bit of a stalker/lurker/Play Misty for Me fan of Trace. I call in frequently to the point that she now remembers who I am and we dish. And I don't feel so awkward about talking on the phone to a *gasp!* female.

Thinking about the radio station thing was because I called in and asked Trace to do me a solid and help hook me up with tickets to a Lisa Lampanelli show. I wanted them because I'd always been a fan of the "Queen of Mean" dirty girl and her roasting-style antics on stage. But I also wanted them because I knew that Penny would love to see her.

Penny (my now former co-worker, for reasons that I can't go into without getting at trouble with my employment) has a similar sense of humour as mine, had never seen Lisa's act and yet I knew would relate to it perfectly and at the same time it would shock her to the point where I could giggle at her. (I took Penny to the Tattoo Expo with Midget and I last year and when we passed by the Suicide Girls booth Midget knew who they were and Penny didn't. When Penny picked up a coffee table book of some of their more popular models, she flipped through about 2 pages before dropping it with a gasp. The girls at the booth cackled wildly. "Now you'll never forget who we are!" one commented.)

I've never really gotten very close to any of my co-workers in the almost 6 years that I've worked for my company. In my line of thinking, there's professional and then there's personal lives. The two just don't mix. Back when I worked for Sears, it was an issue with me and few people, so I just decided in the future to separate the two. But Penny and I clicked and I ended up really liking not just having her be a co-worker friend, but a personal time friend as well.

Then I started adding up the people that I was doing the most emailing with. I don't know if it's because I've "gotten myself a man" (I supposedly hate women and yet that phrase is just somewhat detestable to me) but my female confidantes have increased. More of the people that I trust and respect to a greater degree are of the feminine variety. Well, they're not always ultra-feminine, but the bitches all have cunts.

Maybe it took getting older, a little aging to put women into better perspective for me. Maybe it took being a mom (although this trend of liking women has been decidedly recent and the motherhood thing has been a 7 year ordeal so far) and having something to bond about that only other females could relate to. Maybe it's just that the women I choose to surround myself with are the ones who are the top 1% of the lot out there.

I'm really not sure what's going on. I do know that there are men that I've kept as friends and at a certain point stopped seeing them as being men in a localized sense. Sure, I knew they had penises and were different than me, but at the same time I stopped thinking about them as being sexual beings and therefore while their gender remained male, I never really gave much thought to it in our interactions.

It's another reason why losing one of my male friends burns me so much. Because I miss talking to him. And because I really do hate that he was a coward or a liar. Or just both.

At least when I find reasons to hate women, they're more distinct. And there's never that period of waning time where I have to forget about their gender and render them "just a friend."

It's curious to me. But I like being curious. It's as if I've become a penis and something that turned me on just walked by. I'm feeling the growth.

Ha.