Inspiration Thwarted!

zara's picture

Yesterday I posted a blog featuring some of the reasons why I and the women on my friends list had been undeservedly called bitches. It was meant to show that for all of the times that we had been insulted in this fashion, it very rarely was because we were being heinous people. My opinion of a true bitch would be the same for a true asshole: someone who is intentionally cruel and cold, their actions frustratingly having no purpose or catalyst.

I had thrown up a bulletin before writing my "Bitch" piece, asking the females on my list to send me some stories of the times that they were called bitches for no good reason. I was flooded with emails, some extremely long and detailed. The expression of emotion was palpable. Being called a bitch in an instance where they felt it was undeserved really bugged the fuck out of these women.

Why do they call us bitches? Because we allow it to get to us. Which was the purpose of the piece. To show that if these are the reasons for calling us a bitch, then SO BE IT. I'm a bitch and that's ok. When you take into consideration the alternative, I'd gladly be labeled a bitch any day.

As the emails poured in, I decided that it would be interesting to see what the male side of the coin was. I threw up a bulletin asking the men to relate some stories to me about the times that they were called an asshole without proper provocation. I figured that they would get a kick out of knowing that I'm not a one-sided chick.

I waited. I got one email.... then nothing. After some time there were a couple more that came in, but for the most part, men didn't seem to have any "asshole" stories to tell. Perhaps I could look at it in the vein that the men on my list are all so nice that they have never been called assholes, but I don't believe that to be true.

The handful of emails that I did receive all seemed to speak the same thing. Men don't give a fuck if they are called an asshole. In fact, more often than not, being called an asshole appears to be a badge of pride. Something to laugh at and nod in agreement to. "Yeah! I'm an asshole!" Not that there is anything wrong with that. I want women to stand up and say "Yeah! I'm a bitch!" so a guy doing it is fine by me.

It almost feels as if men consider being called a "nice guy" is a bigger insult than being called an asshole. Because being a nice guy is perceived as a vulnerability. Being "nice" translates into being a "pussy." Being an "asshole" seems to prompt a Superman reaction: they put their fists on their hips, jut out their pelvis and declare in a booming voice that they are assholes. Puts their masculinity on display.

I envy that ability. The ability to own the moment. The ability to slough off the negative connotation of an essentially meaningless term. When people use a phrase on ANYONE that displeases them, it DOES start to mean precisely Jack and Shit. Men are only "assholes" if we make them out to be. If we assign a different set of rules for each man and then grade them on whether or not they follow through with our internal issues. The same applies to women being called bitches, but those rules are also imposed on us by other women. It's time we started knocking that shit off.

We as women are only "bitches" if we allow ourselves to believe that we are. There was an interesting thought brought up yesterday that by writing things like I did, the subtlety of the message would be drowned out. That being: that it is fucking fruitless to take the time and effort to verbally knock someone... just as much as it is fucking idiotic to let anyone's insecurity fueled drive to call us a name affect how we feel about ourselves.

What was my point here? We can all learn a hell of a lot from each other. Women can learn from men that being called something bad isn't always a world-ending event. That it really proves that you are powerful enough to intimidate someone else simply by being yourself, and you can NEVER go wrong by being yourself. Men can learn from women that being thought of in a positive light (i.e. "A Nice Guy") is something to be unafraid and unashamed of, perhaps even something to strive for.

But I think you assholes already get the point.


martha's picture

It's not "bitch" that gets me...

cuz Goddammit if I'm not one.

It's the other phrases used in reference to women that really irk me. (cunt, whore, slut, etc.)

Or if the word "bitch" is preceded by the word "fake" ....

that may very well earn someone a slap in the face. (In fact, it already has.)

But, as you can see, the "bitch" part is just fine by me.

Heather the Angel's picture

People can only hurt you if you give them the power to do so...

My favorite thing to piss people off is to agree with them.
When I've got some ignorant twat telling ME that I'm a bitch because I talked to her boyfriend. I agree. I agree that I am a bitch. I agree that she is a stupid twat with no self confidence. And I agree that because of that this stupid cunt feels the need to start a fight with ME, the bartender, to what, feel better? So, I point out the fact that perhaps if she felt better about herself she could relax and have fun. Instead of worrying about every girl in the room.

I OWN the fact that I am a Goddess, a Bitch, a Bartender, an artist, a Mother, a Sister and a Daughter.

Go ahead, call me a bitch. But ya better be smiling when you say it!

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